Thursday, October 27, 2005 can't go trick or treating at The Gaines's house

Hawttie of the Month

Okay. So i haven't done a Hawttie of the Month in a while, so i've decided to update this latest installment because it's my blog - and i can.

i was driving to my bank over lunch and that song, "can't get you off my mind" came on (which is an awsome song) and i started thinking about Lenny Kravitz. Okay. Just the name is odd.


Weird, huh?.

Hemingway, i also started thinking about how hawt he was when he used to have those long dredlocks.
And i also started thinking about what an awesome sound, style and attitude he has. He is soul funky or something - and although i hate that 'american woman' song (as well as a couple other overplayed pieces of crap) he's got good rythm and beats.

So this months installation is

Lenny 'Hawttie' Kravitz.

Jason - Ar-on - i know you appreciate this:

Is anyone out there drooling yet?

Don't hate him because he's beautiful......

Wow. I'm going to go to the gym right after i look at these photos one more time.....

and i need to quit eating these Zingers.......

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'm a NoBo



I have no problem with hobos. They can ho and bo all over the place. I know they won’t get a job. I know most of them don’t want one. I know that shelters can be dangerous places. That doesn’t stop me from giving money to the shelters every holiday so they can eat, and it doesn’t stop me from having packs of string cheese in my car that I give them so they have a nutritious snack. Heck, I used to give them gloves from my landscape company when I used to plow snow (I had a box of new gloves on hand for the miscellaneous Hispanic workers when we used to plow – they didn’t have gloves either). So what is it about crack that turns your everyday aimless hobo into a Freakbo?

I know most homeless are mentally unstable. I know most of them are alcoholics (not all, of course, but a lot). I also know that most homeless people just want to be acknowledged. I was hanging out with Nick (who knew quite a few hobos) when a group of them were telling me that even a smile to acknowledge their existence was better than completely ignoring them. So that’s what I do now. Try it out. They won’t bite. And you just have to tell them you don’t have any change, and they’ll move on. But they’ll appreciate you realize that they are human beings – ya know?

So hemingway, I went to Little Caesar’s to buy a pizza for $5 today. Josh and I had just gotten out of my work truck, when a hobo yelled across the parking lot, “EXCUSE ME!” and I turned around (after hesitation of course). He wanted to know what my company was, when right on the side of the truck it said, “Landscape and Irrigation Professionals”.
“Oh,” he said.
So Josh and I went into the pizza place and came back out only to find that hobo not only waiting for us, but crazy. He asked for change, a COUPLE dollars, or a piece of pizza. Well, I just bought that darn pizza, and let’s just say I didn’t feel like sharing.
Yeah, yeah. Boo on me.
So I remember the .50 I had in my pocket for the soda machine later, and gave it to him.
Still not satisfied, he continued to pester us after already giving him 2 quarters; Josh repeatedly told him he didn’t have any money (and trust me, Josh gives more money to more hobos than I ever would). The guy almost freaked. Please take note: he didn’t ask for spare change. He demanded 2 whole dollars and a slice of pizza! Finally, I shoved the pizza into Josh’s hands and opened his passenger side door and said, “We’re leaving. Have a nice day.”
“Well you too” said the Freakbo all snottily.

Okay. So I didn’t give him a piece of pizza. Sue me. I just didn’t feel that generous with a pushy cracked out freakbo. Seriously. If the hobo was nice, and wasn’t friggin’ crazy in my face, asking me if I owned my company, I might’ve felt like giving him some pizza instead of .50.
But sorry.
I’ll just be the jerk in this story and politely decline after I just dished out some change that wasn’t good enough.

I know, I know. Not everyone is like that. But I’ve realized it’s almost better to try and ignore the Freakbos on crack than to try and be civil to them.
Seriously. He was on SOMETHING. I only wish it was booze!!!

Monday, October 24, 2005

Report: Wendy’s ‘Garden Sensation’ Salad not as Sensational as Previously Believed

Yes. It is true. I did not find Wendy’s Chicken BLT Garden Sensation salad anything to write home about. The most it’s getting is a report in my blog.

I have previously tried the Wendy’s Garden Sensations line and found them quite pleasing. Actually, I used to order them at least once a week when I was working at my first landscape job out of college. I thought, “Why continue to buy a junior bacon cheeseburger and fries, while I could eat a cool, crisp sensational salad for the same price? It fills me up, and doesn’t make me feel like I’m eating the same ole fast food!” That was my initial opinion. And I enjoyed those salads! The Mandarin Orange, Southwest Chicken, my favorite, Chicken BLT and the new Grilled Chicken and Feta! What a variety to have at a drive through fast food joint! How easy is that?

Well friends, apparently not THAT easy. As the years have passed, I have gotten bored with these ‘Sensational Salads’. And even as they try to spiff up the existing salads by adding new and improved ingredients, they all remind me of the same thing:
I hate salad. I’m eating lettuce. Boo.

Yes, you heard it. I said Boo.

What is up with you salad lovers out there? I just can’t seem to get into it. I thought Wendy’s salads were my salvation to alternate fast food – but alas. I still can’t get over the fact that I’m eating salad when I COULD be eating a Frosty. I know what you’re thinking, “No wonder she looks like AZZ in Seattle”. Well I got news for you folks. I DON’T eat fast food once a week anymore. Actually, I only save it for emergencies when I’m out and about for work, or I have brought ABSOLUTELY nothing for lunch and I’m starving. But even with these rare occasions in mind, I still try to stay away from anything TOO bad for you (French Fries are my arch nemesis – you always love the ones you hate!).

But as I was heading into my office today around 2pm, I decided to drive through Wendy’s and get a healthy and refreshing Garden Sensation. I thought this would satisfy my appetite (as I never finish them) as well as keep my in line with my calorie intake for the day (the average fast food meal has over 1800 calories – based on an average 2000 calorie per day diet).
What a mistake. Bland Blah BLech. My favorite Chicken BLT was wilty, flavorless, and of all things, luke warm! GROSS!!!! WHO likes salad like that? Even with the substitute Creamy Ranch dressing (that mustard stuff is CRAP) it didn’t satisfy my taste buds. I felt like I was eating carboard.

But I have finally come to a conclusion:
I hate salad. Only sensational salads will make me think otherwise, and you won’t be finding them at Wendy’s.
And although I’m not as happy with these current sensations as I once was, I still think it a healthy alternative to the Big Mac and those dreaded French Fries. But as in the immortal words of Levar Burton: You don’t have to take my word for it.

Oldie but a Goodie.....

So Josh and I made a quick decision while standing in the costume shop this weekend, that we would be Gomez and Morticia Addams for Halloween. Personally, i wanted to be Herman and Lily Munster, but Josh didn't want to wear a Frankenstein mask. Plus he thought Herman was 'doofy' and Gomez was 'cool'.
So The Addams' is a little cliche - but i think it's a great costume for when you're on a budget. I purchased a long black wig that unfortunately has bangs which i will 'tailor' into Morticia's hair (maybe she can be a 'hip' Morticia) and Josh will wear his 1 and only suit with an ascot. It won't be anything close to last year's costume, but it will be a hearty effort.
The only thing is that i am having trouble recruiting people for my 'First Annual Impromptu Halloween Party'. I have great, wonderful, vivacious friends (Ed, Rhi, and Leslie) that agreed to come down - but alas, they are also FLAKY. They keep answering my questions with "maybe Saturday" and "possibly i'll come down, if i get my homework done". WTF????? It's HALLOW-F*ING-WEEN, FREAKS!!!!!

So maybe i won't have a party. Maybe i'll have a party all by myself. MAYBE i'll have so much fun, that i won't WANT to go out Saturday when they finally decide to come down, because i had so much fun on Friday.

My lip is sticking out.


I'm going to go eat all the candy and wallow in self pity.


Then i'm going to get drunk in my Morticia costume.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Kratofil + Kuzmich = Doolittle

In honor of my mom going away to visit our homeland, I have created a fun facts page about Croatia!

DESCRIPTION The Croatia flag was officially adopted on December 22, 1991. The red, white and blue are traditional Croatian colors. The centered coat of arms was first used during World War II. The shields are from the arms of five Croatia's regions, including Croatia, Dubrovnik, Dalmatia, Istria and Slavonia (left to right). The red and white checks are Croatian symbols.

Basic historical data:

around 400BC
the first Greek colonies are founded on Adriatic islands

around 100BC
Romans rule over the east coast of Adriatic

Roman emperor Diocletian in present-day Split

around 600.
Croats start moving to what is today Croatia

Duke Trpimir issues the Charter in which for the first time is mentioned the name Croatia, in domestic official documents

Tomislav, the first Croatian king is mentioned, unifier of Pannonian and Dalmatian Croatia

After the death of Petar Svacic, the last Croatian king, Croatia enters into a union with Hungary

King Bela IV issues the Golden Bull in which he proclaims Zagreb a Free Royal City

The beginning of defense against the Turks, who through time occupy the larger part of Croatian territory

By a decision of the Croatian Assembly, the dynasty of Habsburg comes to the Croatian throne

Croatia is largely liberated of Turkish rule; continental Croatia remains under the rule of Habsburg, and the largest part of the Adriatic coast and islands are under Venice; only Dubrovnik Republic remains completely independent

After the short-term rule of the French under Napoleon, who abolished Venice and Dubrovnik Republic, almost the whole of present-day Croatia enters into the Habsburg Monarchy

Croatian becomes the official language of Croatia in Croatian Parliament (Sabor), replacing the Latin language

Ban (Viceroy) Josip Jelacic defends Croatia against attempts of Hungarian occupation and unites all Croatian provinces

Bishop Josip Juraj Strossmayer founds the Croatian Academy of Arts and Sciences, the first in southeastern Europe

After the downfall of the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy in World War I, Croatia becomes part of the Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes, later proclaimed Yugoslavia

German and Italian forces occupy Yugoslavia; the organized partisan resistance starts, led by Croatian antifascists under the guidance of Josip Broz Tito

The Federative Socialist Republic of Yugoslavia is proclaimed and within Yugoslavia, today's Croatia is a federative republic

The first multiparty elections after World War II are organized in Croatia; the Croatian Assembly elects Dr. Franjo Tudjman as the first president

Croatia proclaims independence; the Serbian rebellion starts, supported by the Yugoslav National Army from Belgrade and results in the occupation of one third of Croatian territory

The Republic of Croatia becomes a member of the United Nations

The last occupied part of Croatia, in the east, including Vukovar, is integrated into the country

The First Croatian President, Franjo Tudman, dies

On the general elections, late president's ruling party (HDZ) lost the election. The coalition of 6 parties is now in power.

On the general elections, Croatian Democratic Union (HDZ) has won the election. Together with other 3 parties and national minority Members of Parliament forms the Government

Mary English and Geri Parsons (my aunt) go to Croatia for a vacation.

Famous Croatians:

Goran Visnjic – The Deep End, ER

Mira Fulan – Babylon 5

Rade Šerbedžija – Snatch, Eyes Wide Shut, Batman Begins

Joe Sakic – Colorado Avalanche

John Malkovich-Being John Malkovich

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Cartoons with an Edge

My goodness...
i guess i never knew the real side of our favorite cartoons.....
But i was looking around for (of course) costume ideas, and i came upon this website that made me laugh histerically.

And of course, here's Bert corrupting Ernie.....

This is a drawing from a poor kid who witnessed this act of cruelty and lived to tell the tale!!!!

but of course that's going to happen when a whole bunch of bears live together and 'play together'. jealousy is bound to show up.

And what about when cartoon characters are driven to the edge and decide to kill people? Or just 1 person....

Send in the military?

No thanks GI Joe!!!

i'm okay!

Quit looking at me!!!!!!!


Quit looking AT MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!

Well, at least we know we'll always have Barbie. Her and Ken are the perfect couple! i'm so glad i don't have anything to worry about with her. She loves all of us. She has the perfect boyfriend, car, career (when she wants it) horse, clothes, and all the friends you could ever want!
i'm so glad i can idolize her!!!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ebay auction:DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately Own

My mom sent me this, but in case they take it off ebay, i will paste it here as well. it is hilarious!

You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.
Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.I do not like motorcycles.I am not Rod Stewart.I am not French.I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.
Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.
They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.
These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.
Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.
Please buy these leather pants.

Okay. What about this?

So i THINK i've decided on a costume for Halloween.
i just have to convince Josh to help me out.....

I was thinking of wearing a white beat up dress, like the one Marion wore while they were in the tomb with all the snakes. That would be pretty fun. Maybe with dirt all over me and some snakes in my hair.

I'm SURE we can whip up an indana jones costume for Josh ASAP. Probably a lot easier than mine!

I'll keep you updated.....

Friday, October 14, 2005

Did you ever see that movie, Enduring Love?

more like....Enduring the worst movie on the face of the planet!!!

So DON'T rent this crappy movie that blew chunks on my living room floor and then imploaded - but get this! The main guy who agreed to act in that WASTE OF THREE HOURS has been chosen over a myriad of hotties to play the new James Bond!!???!!!!

Over Clive Owen???????


I'll post a picture of this doofus when blogger allows me to!

I had bugs for lunch......

Well, i thought today would be a good day to eat that tuna salad i made last week. it has been in the fridge at my work since last Monday (okay, so i guess it's more than a week....) but DAMN!!! STAY AWAY from 2 week old tuna salad with bacon bits in it! I about fell over! Completely lost my appitite!

What happens to food that makes it smell and look ThAT BaD!!!!??!!!

So i guess i'll be eating my ramen noodles again. Wish i had that fan thingy to help out.

But that started me thinking about what was some of the rankest shit that has ever come out of my fridge. I mean, sure stuff gets bad if you leave it in there over a month - but some more than others!

I can remeber some egg salad that turned green. Not from mold, mind you - but Oscar The Grouch GREEN. I know some bacteria is having a hay day - but yikes! and what's up with stuff that USED to be solid, but then it sits for a while and the water drains out of it to make an interresting soup? Anyone forget about that bagged salad before?

Which reminds me of the time when i was little i was obsessed with my toy kitchen in the cellar. We lived in an old house with a storm cellar in northern Missouri. Albany, MO population 1500 people to be exact (which i'm sure it's around 900 high school was bigger!) So we had a play room in our storm cellar that had my old play stove and sink in it with our little wooden table and chairs. Actually, my dad made my stove and i don't remember what happened to it (it was really cool....made out of plywood i believe - i should get a picture from my mom!) and the sink and fridge were old olive green tin, which i'm sure every kid had as well. So anyway, i was obsessed with finding willie worms (fuzzy catapillars and keeping them in a bucket - but i could never figure out where they went (we actually had a crysillis on our front door only once - but that's another story)! I alsoo thought that with my little pet willie worm, i would put him in my little kitchen in the basement, and make some food for him. I pulled up so much grass i'm suprised that there wasn't a huge bare spot in the yard. i treated them like green onions, which i saw my mom cut up all the time (yuck). I pulled off the green blades and put the roots and dirt in a little pie pan and added water from the hose. i put the greens in the willie worm's bucket - but then realized that there was too much of it. So i decided to stick it in a mason jar and put it in the 'fridge' for tomorrow, when i would change out the grass.

okay so i forgot about it the next day - and it actually turned into a month sitting in the humid cellar in a mason jar. i finally found it one day and remember my poor willie worm died last month in the freezer cause i accidentally forgot it in there (don't ask, i don't know why i put him in there. i was probably trying to punish him for not wanting to play with me - that sounds really sadistic). Well, to 'land the plane' as my mom says, i opened that jar of grass and water to smell the worst smell i have ever smelled in my life. Of course i can't remember the smell, but it burned that memory so far into my head that i will never forget it.

So what does that have to do with my story? it just reminded me of bagged salad.

any other bad smells? i think eggs are the worst.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Who's the dork, dork?

So A-ron just sent me an email that said he was wearing his Navy hat. When i asked him why he was wearing a sailor's cap, he called me a dork and sent me this picture.

I ask you, after looking at this picture, who's the dork in this scenario?

I have it all figured out. It's an eighteen hour trip which breaks down into six driving shifts of three hours each

As per my dad’s comment on the previous post, I have created a flow chart showing the production schedule of my upcoming trip to Pennsylvania for the New Years festivities. Please note the amount of time I will be spending in KC for Christmas = 2 days. Please plan accordingly – i.e. Christmas Eve, and Christmas night = PARTY PARTY PARTY.

You can't see it very well, but my dad inspired it per this email:

With only 2 ¾ months until implementation, I have begun project management. Any suggestions?

STAGE 1: Project conception. – LeighAnn/Sara
STAGE 2: Trip Itinerary. - Bill
STAGE 3: Provisions.
STAGE 4: Music. BYOM
STAGE 6: Hotels.
STAGE 7: Driving schedule. – Cassie
STAGE 8: Vehicle prep. – LeighAnn

For any of you who know my dad, you know this is typical.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Oh those Krazy Japanese....

I just got this email from A-ron –
I picked out my favorites….

If you notice this one has been in the news lately. Apparently it’s a big seller in Japan.

This one appeals to ALL of us who have burned the fuck out of our mouths while trying to eat ramen noodles……

This one is just bizarre. I wonder if they had a contest or something.

Did that mop start out that color – or did the baby help?

And what shoes is she trying to protect? Payless White Collection?!!! Why is it that Japanese women insist on wearing white heals? Yikes!!!

Rock singers are only rockin you half the time, the other time they're... they're... they're... they're... breathing IN!!

So i was listening to NPR this moring, and one of those little musical interludes came on after a report on layoffs. i was contemplating whether or not i had job security, when a classical piece came on that caught my attention. i KNEW i recognized the tune, but i couldn't quite place it. I was enjoying it immensly, when all of a sudden i started singing,

"New blood joins this earth
And quikly he’s subdued
Through constant pain disgrace
The young boy learns their rules"

Yep. It was Metallica. But it was the most beautiful Metallica I've ever heard! I was amazed and it sounded AWESOME! So i had to go find out who it was first thing this morning!
So The Angry String Orchestra has multiple tribute albums - some of which sound silly, but others i would actually think of purchasing!

Also for those Kronos Quartet or Bollywood fans out there, i thought this album might be worth checking out!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Workin' to live, or Livin' to work.....

I am swamped. Why is it that your boss, as well as all of those other co-workers around you think you are friggin’ Kali-ma Shock-de day? – you know, with 8 arms ‘n shit!!
I feel like I’m in college again, where you all bitch and complain about that one professor that gives you so much homework, that you think he believes that you are taking ONLY his class! Unfortunately, I’ve begun to realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE that crappy ole professor was trying to ready you for ‘the real world’. Except it wasn’t your choice to take a blue or red pill! You were just mercilessly thrown out into the harsh truth after spending 7 years* in college – the whole time thinking that all you had to do was graduate, and THEN the world would be easy! Now you have to face the facts that your crappy parents were right (not you, mom – promise!) that AFTER college is when life starts, and it SUCKS.

So after that rant, let me ask you this: Have you ever seen that movie, Haiku Tunnel? Well, I’m feeling a little bit like that. I’m buried in work which seems like I will in NO WAY get out on time, and I’ve missed the oldest bike courier (possibly Bikey) to take my letters to the post office due to negligence.
I keep getting more and more work piled on my desk, and even if I have my boss actually sit down and prioritize my work load list, shit STILL hits the fan!!!


Yeah, sure. Everyone feels that way. But what is it about my job that people think that piling stuff on my desk is going to get done ANY faster than when I say, “I have way too much stuff to do. I can’t take on any more unless I get some help”. I’m serious. I actually say this to my boss, and he ‘listens’ or in some way responds like he’s ‘listening’ but then when it comes down to it – like today for example – he expects me to continuously take homework home every night, and magically create a landscape design on my kitchen table, along with an estimate to go along with it! God forbid we actually TELL our clients that they may have to WAIT a bit….

And then as another example, when your boss DOES tell them to wait a bit – he ends up pushing the project off for 2 months, and then expects you to shit it out within 2 days! Don’t forget, that’s 2 days that you already have scheduled to work on ANOTHER design that’s due in 2 days. Let’s not forget the commercial estimates that I keep getting handed, that actually have HARD DUE DATES – which is another thing they kept from you in college. Who has those? I even had a design teacher that claimed that deadlines don’t mean ANYTHING!!!!

Well, maybe I’m living under a rock, or I just haven’t noticed every other working stiff who is as stressed out as I am! And this usually only happens during peak season! Not the END of the season! For the love of Pete! We just had our first billable snowstorm! Geez!!

I wish I was back in the Haiku Tunnel – where everything was warm and fuzzy and I was just given work - and left alone to do it. No screaming bosses, no idiot project managers, no frustrating co-workers piling more and more shit onto my plate.
If only I were a fetus.
No – if only I were a cat. I could curl up LIKE a fetus, and just sleep all day and only allowing people to pet me and pay attention to me when I felt like it. Or needed something.

* Tommy: Did you hear I graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah and just a shade under a decade. All right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.

Friday, October 07, 2005


How much is my blog worth?

So A-ron sent me this website that talks about our blogs! it's really weird! how does it know? And what's it all about?

Check to see if your blog is on there, and if the info is accurate! it's a little scary!

Banks Suck my BUTT!

This is all due to a collaboration between the Hessian Purse Snatcher, and Greedy Firstbank Scrooge.
I've had a tough week, and haven't had a lot of time to sit and chat. I'm having money issues.
Basically my direct deposited paycheck didn't get directly deposited on Friday like I had thought (because of the purse snatching, i had to get a new account)
so my payroll gave me an actual check that just got deposited on Thursday morning. The reason as to why payroll didn't have enough time to sent my direct deposit into my new account (it's only been 3 WEEKS) - we will never know. What we DO know, is that i didn't even open my "pay stub" on Friday, assuming my money was safely in my account sipping cocoa. So i didn't even REALIZE there was no money in the account until Tuesday night, when i tried to pull out some dough for the friggin' DOLLAR MOVIES (coincidentally, Tuesday night is Half Off night, so it was only going to be $.50!!!! good thing i wanted popcorn). So since Friday when the check didn't get deposited, i had written 5 checks (bills and rent) and went out to sushi, Target, and even the grocery store with no money in my account.
I called my immediatelyiatly and tried to sort things out. Needlessdless to say, they are stingy bastards that don't want to give a dog a friggin' bone. They of course are charging me for evey over draft purchase ($28 per item), even though i've explained to them what happened and asked them why they've allowed my visa check card to still be activated up until Tuesday night (i purchased lunch earlier that day with no problem) 5 DAYS AFTER the account was in the negative! They have no response except "TOO BAD, BITCH. PAY US."
I have like $230 in late fees on EVERYTHING I purchased this weekend and my rent check hasn't even cleared. I'm screwed.
So goes my life. i try to get a head, and they put pepper spray in my eyes, and a giant wet hair ball in my mouth with evey step!!!

So after ranting and raving last night, i've come to a conclusion:
Since i'm not really sure how fast the idea of 'Cassie's Bank' will take off (plus i'm not FDIC insured), in the interim I'm switching over to a credit union. No more Scrooge McFirstbank's and crazy Hessian Purse Snatchers for me!!! NO WAY.
I know my bank won't care, but don't you think they would be sad to see one of their biggest money makers go?
Yeah. I doubt they'll even notice.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Victory?! What the hell is that? We don't even have a word for it. We're French! - Homer Simpson

This website is Hilarious!!!! Plus i don't have much time to write today, but what an interresting topic!

French Jokes!
Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French?
A. I give up.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Or.....Being Electrocuted!!!

So I was in a sandwich shop the other day and I heard not only one of my favorite songs of all time, but one of my favorite poems:

"Harriet, Harry-et, sweet Harriet,
Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis.
Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher.
So knowing,
so trusting,
so lov-ed.
He wants you back he screams into the night air, like a fireman going to a window that has no fire,
'cept the passion of his heart.
I am lonely,
It's really hard.
This poem sucks."

I thought it was so funny since I haven't seen this movie in years, and i haven't listened to the soundtrack for even longer! i don't even know If i still have it!!! but it made me feel good and I hope the little sandwich shop played this deliberately, and not just a satellite itunes type of thing!

It reminds me of youth. I know that sounds cheesy, but i felt like i was in high school again, and started wondering what some of the people i used to hang out with were doing. You know, as daydreams go- i started thinking about what i was doing when this movie came out, who out of my friends liked this movie with me, the one-liners we used to say - and most importantly: how everyone knew i was in love with Mike Myers (starting with Wayne's World, but look how he grew!!!)! I know I've given up Mike for Jack Black, but there's still a soft spot in my heart for him.
Of course there is!!! He's one of the funniest men alive! And so cute! i remember watching So I Married an Axe Murderer and loving Harriet's clothes! I also remembermer seeing that Mike Myers was wearing Doc's and i thought, "WOW!!! He's so cool!" Of course, i had no idea about beat poets, cappuccino, or the fact that Mike Myers didn't have a job throughout the whole movie! All i thought was that, "Heed! Pants! Move!!!!" was hilarious!

Ah. Good Times. Good Times.
Can you believe this movie was made in 1993?
I feel old.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Yeah, It RAWKED - No Review Necessary

Mirror Mask friggin' rawked - like most of you knew it would. I haven't been able to sit still since Amber sent me the trailer all those months back. It was fargin' awesome.

I can't tell you enough how pleased i was.

Five out of Five Stars


The Halloween Pressure IS ON!!!

So I have no idea of what I’m going to do for Halloween.
I just don’t think anything can beat last year’s costume. I mean – it was awesome.

So let’s see a list of Cassie’s Halloween Costumes since 1998:

1998 – Princess Leia
1999 – I can’t remember cause I was in college and drunk
2000 – Eddie (with Ed as Patsy) from Ab Fab
2001 – No Costume – we just rented scary movies hence my roomie’s nickname “Mopey Jamey”
2002 – Stevie Nicks
2003 – Stevie Nicks again for 10 minutes (it was when I was dating The Guatemalan and we bought costumes to be Beetlejuice and Lydia but then he cheesed out and I caught his flu) I couldn’t JUST go as Lydia from Beetlejuice! NO ONE would’ve known who I was! They would’ve just thought I was some goth kid! Boo!
2004 – Leela (with Kurt as Fry) from Futurama
2005 – WHO KNOWS!!! But I better get my azz in gear and find out what the rest of you hosers are doing for Halloween!!! I mean, are we even doing anything?

So I have a checkered past when it comes to Halloween.

I was thinking of just being done with the whole thing and buying the DEVO costume at Target. I’ve always wanted an ‘Energy Dome’. But there will probably be 80 thousand DEVO’s out there this year, since it’s at Target. If all else fails, I will just purchase a Samurai sword and a mask and put on one of my work suits with a tie and be one of The Crazy 88’s from Kill Bill . But it just doesn’t look as good if I go alone. And there’s really no movies out right now that would be fun to parody. Napoleon Dynamite is big – but it was cooler last year, since they are selling actual MASKS of Napoleon at Target…..

Screw it. Maybe I’ll just go as a sexy cat. That NEVER seems to go out of style.

Which opens up a new can of worms! Why do girls insist on going as “sexy” anything!!! It’s so BLAH!!! Halloween isn’t supposed to be SEXY!!!! Your costume is supposed to be cool and scary!!! Not a TOTAL WHORE!!!! It’s an age old argument. But just watch Mean Girls. They sum up Halloween pretty well.

So – what are you going as? Any ideas for Cas?