Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I'm a NoBo



I have no problem with hobos. They can ho and bo all over the place. I know they won’t get a job. I know most of them don’t want one. I know that shelters can be dangerous places. That doesn’t stop me from giving money to the shelters every holiday so they can eat, and it doesn’t stop me from having packs of string cheese in my car that I give them so they have a nutritious snack. Heck, I used to give them gloves from my landscape company when I used to plow snow (I had a box of new gloves on hand for the miscellaneous Hispanic workers when we used to plow – they didn’t have gloves either). So what is it about crack that turns your everyday aimless hobo into a Freakbo?

I know most homeless are mentally unstable. I know most of them are alcoholics (not all, of course, but a lot). I also know that most homeless people just want to be acknowledged. I was hanging out with Nick (who knew quite a few hobos) when a group of them were telling me that even a smile to acknowledge their existence was better than completely ignoring them. So that’s what I do now. Try it out. They won’t bite. And you just have to tell them you don’t have any change, and they’ll move on. But they’ll appreciate you realize that they are human beings – ya know?

So hemingway, I went to Little Caesar’s to buy a pizza for $5 today. Josh and I had just gotten out of my work truck, when a hobo yelled across the parking lot, “EXCUSE ME!” and I turned around (after hesitation of course). He wanted to know what my company was, when right on the side of the truck it said, “Landscape and Irrigation Professionals”.
“Oh,” he said.
So Josh and I went into the pizza place and came back out only to find that hobo not only waiting for us, but crazy. He asked for change, a COUPLE dollars, or a piece of pizza. Well, I just bought that darn pizza, and let’s just say I didn’t feel like sharing.
Yeah, yeah. Boo on me.
So I remember the .50 I had in my pocket for the soda machine later, and gave it to him.
Still not satisfied, he continued to pester us after already giving him 2 quarters; Josh repeatedly told him he didn’t have any money (and trust me, Josh gives more money to more hobos than I ever would). The guy almost freaked. Please take note: he didn’t ask for spare change. He demanded 2 whole dollars and a slice of pizza! Finally, I shoved the pizza into Josh’s hands and opened his passenger side door and said, “We’re leaving. Have a nice day.”
“Well you too” said the Freakbo all snottily.

Okay. So I didn’t give him a piece of pizza. Sue me. I just didn’t feel that generous with a pushy cracked out freakbo. Seriously. If the hobo was nice, and wasn’t friggin’ crazy in my face, asking me if I owned my company, I might’ve felt like giving him some pizza instead of .50.
But sorry.
I’ll just be the jerk in this story and politely decline after I just dished out some change that wasn’t good enough.

I know, I know. Not everyone is like that. But I’ve realized it’s almost better to try and ignore the Freakbos on crack than to try and be civil to them.
Seriously. He was on SOMETHING. I only wish it was booze!!!


S E E Quine said...

` Ooo! Freaky story, absolutely freaky. I agree, I wouldn't be civil around people who are harassing me. It's better to just g.e.t. a.w.a.y.

` There's plenty o' homeless people around here, as you probably remember me writing about.

` On my way into crazy lessons at the free crazy house, there's lotsa hobos gathered around the front of the building.
` A lot of them ARE crazy, though some of them are very nice. A few of them smell like urine or something, though most of them don't really smell too bad at all. Good for them.
` So far, none of them has bothered me. Luckily, schizophrenic people experiencing severe symptoms tend to be locked into their own little world and aren't really aware of you for very long.
` One night, me and Phil and Jason were walking to someplace or another and this crazy person was walking in the opposite direction and was kind of swatting at us.
` We just kind of split ranks and the freakbo or whatever just sort of swatted between us and kept going.

` I'm sure glad I don't live outside. A city is no place for a person to be homeless, anyway.
` It would seem to be better to move into the country and attempt to live off the land or something... then you'd be a hippie! Sorta.

Amber said...

That would be a good idea, but it'd never work. In the country the farmers wouldn't be giving them change and egg mcmuffins for standing around in their fields looking pathetic, they'd probably run them over with their tractors. The thing is, Cas was right, most of them don't want jobs which kind of would make it hard for them to live off the land.

S E E Quine said...

` Gar. Right you are. I was wrong. Me and my happy fantasies about being a hippie.

` BTW, Jason = this EdgeWalker person I sometimes mention. (Each Jason I know has a different name, so I have both a Jason and an EdgeWalker!)

` By the way... cas... you're the only one I know to get shampoo or alka seltzer or creamer mixed up with the sun.

` Congratulations.

locomocos said...


shampoo was my first choice.

it could happen.....

Aaron said...

Hobo? Was this guy Boxcar Willie? I've heard tell of some of those guys raking in 6 digits in a year and driving fancy foreign cars. Maybe that's an urban legend or something.

S E E Quine said...

` Dunno. Doesn't seem to be on Snopes...