Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Ebay auction:DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately Own

My mom sent me this, but in case they take it off ebay, i will paste it here as well. it is hilarious!

You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.
Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.I do not like motorcycles.I am not Rod Stewart.I am not French.I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.
Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.
They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.
These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.
Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.
Please buy these leather pants.


Amber said...

I love it. Too good. Did your mom buy them?

Josh Coast said...

Looks like he got a $102 for them! I never priced leather pants before (no really), but that seems like a lot. Did you ever see that episode of Friends?

Amber said...

I don't think that's really much in the whole grand scheme of things. Apparently the pants you were pricing must have been pleather, Josh.

locomocos said...

i think pleather is really big with artists.

you should wear them to your next show, Josh. i bet you would sell ALL of your paintings!!!!!

S E E Quine said...

` Grrr. Want. Pleather. Pants. Not extravagant to buy any clothing at all though, despite the fact that most of it is over seven years old.
` Y'know what? I remember long ago, I bought a very small leather bookbag for only 2.50 at an overstock store - it was priced down from 20.00! So, that's how much tiny leather bookbags cost!

Aaron said...

I got a kick-ass leather bomber jacket for 1,000 c-notes. That's camel cash for those of you in Rio Linda.

bt said...

I would wear them, but I am not gay, not a biker, and not a girl. I guess that means I could not get away with it, but nobody ever arest me for fasion fopas anyway no matter how much I want some lady to put me cuffs. I am kind of sad that my leather pants don't fit anymore. They were tight before I got a desk job. Now I have to stick to the pleather cause it stretches a little.

locomocos said...

that just means you can be the best lookin' leather wearin' pant guy in your office!!!

Speaking of which, i think i have a picture of you in your leather pants....

and broccoli on your nipples....

Atif said...

This leather jacket is too much fantastic i really like it.

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