Small, bad carpet, weird noises, basement-y.
I will now describe Issue #1 – My Casa Bonita Bathroom.
If any of you have been to Casa Bonita here in Denver, CO – you will no doubt remember the basement. It looks like a cave with beige stalactites and stalagmites made out of concrete. Very fun for kids and if you’ve never been there – I suggest you go. I enjoy it myself, and have been multiple times in the last year. Not the best food, but fun to get Corona in a bucket.
Hemingway, my bathroom. The bathroom has a textured paint in it which is a dark beige color which matches one of the walls in the ‘living room’. It was a home job, which means a past tenant decided to try out his handiwork of an episode of Trading Spaces he just saw. A coating of a hardening material was applied and molded into a round ‘fan’ pattern. No biggie, right? Well once he reached the ceiling, instead of stopping he decided to take the goop right up overhead. One important key factor he didn’t anticipate. Gravity. The goop was too moist to hold form when hanging upside down, and dried into stalactites, much like in a cave of calcium carbonate and mineralized water. To give it that ‘Casa Bonita’ look, he applied the dark beige paint. As if to emphasize his glorious home décor, he painted all the pipes running through the bathroom (from all the upstairs tenants) copper. Apparently the pipes which were most likely painted white to blend in with the ceiling - needed to stand out, therefore accenting a horrible paint job with a spray can, and a bloody awful stucco-esque job.
(please note the light globes in which only turn on above the mirror on the fixture)
As I stood at the sink on my first morning, I was pretty content with my shower. I figured out the fine tuning it took to get the water just right, stepped out on my little mat, and made sure not to lean too heavily on the sink, as it was crackling off the walls. I was flossing my teeth, and making those funny faces everyone does in the mirror, when I felt a drop of water. I looked around and saw nothing. I continued my routine. Another drop. I tried to ignore it. But lo – Casa Bonita would not be ignored. Finally I looked up and saw one miscellaneous pipe without insulation on it, packed with water droplets from the condensation of my shower –directly above my head while standing at the sink. One phrase came to my mind:
It’s gon’ rain on yo head
From The Color Purple
Yep. My bathroom rains on my head every morning. Reason #1 why my new apartment blows.