Pajamaramamama... Or whatever...

This is the pajama party me and Josh went to. I'm supposed to look like a 40's movie star, but most people think i dressed up as a wealthy call girl.
I think i look like Greta Garbo....

i am..........alone.
i am utterly................alone.

Except that josh was there.

Cassie and Josh. Cassie as princes Leah

'Star Wars' princess inspires royal name in Norway - Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050616/od_uk_nm/oukoe_life_princess_1

Josh says, I'm his Princess Leia!

Hey! You ruined my record, man!

you are cannabis (or pot). almost everyone except
for uptight old people enjoys your company.
almost too many people, some would say. oh
well, who cares, let's spark another bowl.

what drug are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is for all you ladies out there......

.....Who never read my blog.

Well, no biggie. But i just love this article! I think everyone should read it!

http://women.msn.com/831805.armx

Cambodia has more fun than ANY country!

Why is it okay in some countries to let loose and have a good time?
I'm starting to feel like the good ole US of A is getting as stuffy as the damn Brits!
Even CAMBODIA has more fun than us!

http://www.newturfers.com/mwf/attach/38/355838/ BBCNEWSWorldLionMutilates42MidgetsinCambodianRing-Fight.htm

Hahaha!!!
Love it!
LOVE IT!!!!

Report: Memorial Day turns people into Self-Absorbed FREAKS!!

Wow.

All i can say is WOW.

What a fucked up weekend.

Now i know that Memorial Day is sort of the "Kick Off of Summer" but give me a break! Does that mean that everyone and their back woods mother has to be out galavanting in the FRONT of the line?

When i say "Self-Absorbed" what i mean is i couldn't even COUNT with my fingers and toes how many times i thought out loud for people, "I'm the center of the universe!" i guess having a 3-day weekend will do it to you! So people were driving like shit, pushing and shoving in retail centers, and i don't even want to TELL you what it was like trying to get something to eat. BOO!!!!


I went up to the mountains with my parents. So were are driving through Rocky Mountain National Park, and there are signs and an AM radio station that consistently say, "Stay on the designated paths - do not walk on Arctic Tundra".
So what does that mean to you?
Well, i would personally interperate that as "Don't walk around off the friggin' path, dorks!" because apparently it takes this "arctic tundra" 30-50 years to regrow from one footprint.

So what do i see as i get out to take breathtakingly beautiful photos of God's beautiful creation? Some punk ass kids running all OVER the arctic mountainside chasing after a friggin' marmant!!!! WTF????????
And their parents were just as bad, walking OFF the stabilized crushed granite (and very EXPENSIVE) path created specifically so you wouldn't DEVIATE from it, taking pictures and climbing on rocks themselves - crushing 50 years in the making - wild flowers!!! THEY WERE EVEN PICKING THEM!!! These things are no more than an inch tall! LET THEM ALONE!!!!! All they were saying to their kids: "Hey guys. that's enough. don't chase the marmant all over." in the most monotonous voice you can possibly imagine!!!
Well SHAME upon you and your house! And i hope when giant aliens come down to earth they step on YOUR 50 year old carcass! Fuckers!!!

At least no one brought up their double wide yuppie "i don't ever want to have to touch my baby" stroller. i HATE those things! if ever there were a more inconsiderate baby contraption, this is it. Like no one else in the world needs to walk on the friggin' sidewalk, or down a store isle. Warning: If someone has this stroller with the giant wheels made especially to go offroad easier, they will, i repeat, they will NOT get off the sidewalk. YOU need to move!!



http://www.joggingstroller.com/brand/mountainbuggy/urban-double.shtml

Careful. if you browse that website, you might also see the "Mountain Buggy Terrain Triplets" and the one where you can even attach a fuckin' CRADLE onto the buggy!!!

Well, not saying much for the place, but i was walking in Boulder this weekend with a couple people who just ran the Bolder Boulder (http://www.bolderboulder.com/) and this dude pushing a double mountain buggy thing wouldn't roll onto the grass. We BARELY got by single file....good thing these people can breed other self-absorbed yuppies....

Anakin Skywalker is Hawt!!!!

Wow. i just saw Star Wars III and DAMN!!! Hayden Christensen is a hawttie!!!!

i mean, even as Darth Vadar he is a DAMN Hawttie!!!



Whew!

Go see this movie, if not for an oldie but a goodie hawttie, Ewan McGregor, but the new developments made by George Lucas when he decided that Hayden Christensen needed to work out at the gym more often.
Good call, George!

My thumb really hurts!

So i took a stupid pill last night and thought it would be a good idea to go to the Lion's Lair with some rollergirls - seeing as how well drinks were $1! Bad Bad Bad idea. i have been off the wagon (or is it on the wagon - Seinfeld confused me http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-112/epid-2269/) for a while, and after last night i realize i can't swim with the big fishes anymore. i got completely trashed after 4 drinks.

4 DRINKS, PEOPLE!!!!!

Apparently i did a dance to ABBA (on a small wooden box they called a "stage") and got a free shot, which somehow resembled an entire cocktail.

Wi-Hoo!

Needless to say, i was getting dropped off by Jayne Manslaughter when lo and behold! I slammed my thumb in her 1988 Volvo door! I didn't even realize it until i tried to walk away, and i couldn't. i re-opened the door, said ouch, and walked into my building with a bleeding thumb.

Ahh...
You can't have a good night of drinking without a little blood present, ya know?

28 people. i'm going to be 28 this year.
Fantastic.

i heart Johnny Depp

You Are Gilbert From "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" You are very giving and self-sacrificing. You're always there to lend a helping hand to family and friends. However, this generous nature often robs you of fulfilling your needs and desires, and may cause you to become resentful. Find a way to balance your kindness with your independence.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Oh ye of little faith.....

For all of you non-believers out there, i have already been receiving thank you emails from my new flock. I know you might still be skeptical, but read some testimonials!



Thank You Thank You Thank You Reverend Mother!

I felt your spirit with me today!

I knew that you had blessed my bat because when i gripped it i felt comfort, and it was good. when i swang it i felt confidence, and i knew it was good. when i hit the ball i felt powerful, and all knew it was good.

with your blessing, reverend mother, i was able to acheive 3 home runs and 1 triple today. with your spirit guiding my hand i was able to drive in 9 runs. i felt your pat on the back when the team voted me MVP of the game. i knew you were with me, and i knew it was good.

i shall build a shrine to your holy spirit. i shall erect a fine pedastal on top of which i shall place a statue of a woman with big boobs. i will always keep a candle lit in vigil. i trust that my efforts will appease your holy spirit and you shall then lay your blessing on me.

Thank you Reverend Mother. i am truly grateful.

AaronKCMO

Yes Yes.... i will keep you posted with more sucess stories as they begin to roll in!

Laughed My Ass OFF!!!

I know everyone's heard this, but just in case there are any stragglers out there:

http://home.swbell.net/kf5tv/voicemail.mp3

This guy's laugh is infectious!

Little Debbie, Little Debbie!

Here is a story my dad told me! I think it's so funny!!!

I just went up to the corner to the deli to get a sandwich. I was the only one at the counter. While the young Steven Wright-looking guy with the funny hat and apron was making my sandwich, I picked up a Little Debbie and commented, "Well, I guess all things must change. It's just a sign of the times, Little Debbies finally went up to 50 cents! I never thought I'd see the day." Without even looking up the guy said, "It's because of the price of gas." He then handed me my sandwich and just smiled.

Bikey the Hobbit = Critical Lee

i do not normally rant about personal issues in this blog. But there is an exception for everything. i will give no REAL particulars, and change names, but you who know me, probably know everyone involved. OOOOOOOoooooo!!! i'm so pissed!!!!!

So Critical Lee called me this morning (I’ve changed his name to reflect his constant state of “CRITICAL LIMITS”). Apparently the last time he and I rented movies together – about a month and a half ago – one of them didn’t get turned in. He went to rent movies yesterday, and they told him he couldn’t rent until he returned the movie (Napoleon Dynamite of all films! – which he HATED) and paid $30. So needless to say, the situation went “critical”. Lee’s convinced that The Samurai is fucking with him, because he saw me and Lee in there 1 FUCKING TIME. The Samurai and I dated for 1 month maybe, and it was in DECEMBER. That kid probably has women out the WA-ZOO! Like he even KNOWS who Critical Lee IS (which is just some dude who rents at the video store!!!)! So I told him he was overreacting, and to just go talk with the manager and ask him to look for the movie on the shelf. I told him it probably didn’t get checked in, and I’m sure they could find it. He “thanked” me for the “advice” like a true asshole would, and I thought we were done.
Nope.
He calls me back to ask what The Samurai’s name is. I am hesitant to give it to him, but I figure he’ll find out anyway. He said not to worry, he would talk to the manager, and if the manager fucked around with it, he would explain the “situation”.
WTF???
“Situation?” I asked.
“Yeah. You know that I dated a girl The Samurai dated and the only connection between the lost movie and this situation is that The Samurai is fucking with me.”
Totally logical – eh?
What a fucking psycho!!! He even went so far to say that if The Samurai was still fucking with him, he’d take the $30 out of his ass.
Beat him up over $30?????? You can be sure that would really do some good, and you’d never be able to rent at the video store anymore……
Plus there’s like 3 big black dudes that work there with him. I’m not worried about The Samurai, I just wonder WTF is Critical Lee’s deal?
So I told him not to mention me at all if he wanted to continue in the ridiculous business, and he asked me if I wanted to pay the $30 (cause I wanted to rent the movie in the first place) and then said he didn’t appreciate the attitude I was giving him.
??????

I mean…
???????????
So I told him good luck and hung up.
The beauty part IS:
The Samurai didn’t check the movies out to us to begin with – so he had NO idea of what we rented, and they don’t pay attention to who checks movies in, because they just pick them up out of the drop off box!!! They have NO idea whose movies are whose! Ya know? It’s not like the scanner pops up and says “Critical Lee is returning this movie”. I mean, you just scan it in, and it doesn’t come up whose it is unless you enter the code into the system SEPERATELY. Ya know???? DUH!!!!! Again: Like The Samurai has nothing better to do with his time than FUCK with Critical Lee – some guy he’s never met before – nor cares about.

Next time he calls, I’m telling him to erase my number from his phone.

Reverend Mother Cassie D

Hello my children, my flock.

Yes it is I, Reverend Cassie. Does something trouble you, my child? Let us explore the mysteries of creation together. Think of me and my wisdom as - a guide.

I received this email yesterday:

> This notice hereby confirms that
>
> Cassie D********
> 12345 My Street Apt #123
>
> Denver
> CO
> 8000*> USA
>
> is an ordained member of the clergy of
> The Church of Spiritual Humanism
> Date of Ordination: April 26, 2005
> Ordained by R. A. Zorger, President
> www.SpiritualHumanism.org

Of course i had to delete some important information in this email, but basically - i can marry people now. It was free, legal, and fast. Pretty cool, eh?

So i've decided to go into business for myself, doing dog and cat weddings, funerals, christenings, etc. I mean think about it. Think about all the weirdos out there that want their pets to get married, or stuffed by a taxedermist for life!!! What about EMBALMED! I don't think holding a commitment ceremony for these creatures is too bizarre.
I mean, people that live in those alternate realities often spend a good deal of money on the ridiculous - aka Reverend Cassie.

My mom thinks an old church choir robe should do the trick.
She also thinks i should advertise that i can do Star Trek weddings, since i have a uniform. I told her that might be too difficult. What if they wanted me to perform the ceremony in Klingon!!
http://www.kli.org/

Tarot - or Tah-row?

So i read some tarot cards last night. I bought this little mini deck from Barnes and Noble cause i was addictied to those little giftboxes for a while (i got "Build your own Snowglobe", "Build your own Water Feature", "Build your own Zen Garden", "The Executive Gong" - for my boss, and of course, TAH-ROW).
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?userid=8Y4wjeEBmp&cds2Pid=4545&gift=y&isbn=0880882492

i only opened it once, and threw it in a box so i could move it to my new apartment, a year later. Well. 4 months after the move, my friend Josh was over, and thought it would be a good idea to read them.

So Barnes and Noble's directions were really easy, and pretty ambiguous! Shit like:

"This could represent past situations, current issues, or the posiblities of a certain outcome". So basically some card could mean past, present, or future - right? So am i wrong when i look at that statement as:
"Interperate the cards however you friggin' want to!" Introspection? Or is it just so ambiguous that you can do nothing else except make shit up, that probably you haven't even thought of before?!!!!

i mean, it reminds me of those snooty people who believe in that crap and who say, Tah-row (emphasis on the second silible), instead of Tare-O! You know, the same people who say, Plah-zah, instead of Plaza. I feel like learning Tarot really well so i can hang out with those people, and they can pay me to read their cards, while speaking like that as well!
"Dah-ling!!! You look SIMPLY Chah-ming!!!"

Wah wah wah. Where do people learn to talk like that? You remember in the old movies when wealthy sociallites used to talk like that? Like Grace Kelly or that little girl who played opposite Shirley Temple in "The Little Princess"?
She said, "Oh Sarah! Aw you actually hon-gry?" She was like 8 years old, and she talked like New York royalty! Too bad Paris Hilton can't improve her image by actually speaking like she was well brought up and actually had talent. What a hooch!

And what's the deal with her? I won't go into that rant, but that dog should've been dead a LONG time ago! It DOES just go to prove that you don't have to have talent to be famous. Just a rich dad and a great body (along with a personal trainer, a chef, personal hair dresser, makeup artist, personal assistant, and unlimited bank accounts). I bet i could do it. i just need to hit that Powerball! I guess i gotta BUY a powerball ticket first......



Okay, okay. So you are asking, "Tell us, Cassie. Tell us what your tarot cards said!"

Sorry. i just don't think we know each other well enough to divulge that information.

i heart-circle-slash dentists

OOOOUUUCH!!!

My mouth is KILLING me!!!!

My upper wisdom teeth are coming in, and they're pushing all my teeth together! i'm constantly biting my cheek, and creating a cancor sore! i can't eat ANYTHING!!!!

Actually, that's probably a good thing since i need to drop um....... 5 lbs to look like Cindy Crawford...

But i just tried to eat a BEAN BURRITO (cause i thought making something with chicken and stuff in it would be too tender) but NO!!! It still hurts! i still bite my cheek and still need friggin' ambesol! I guess i'm back to mashed potatoes and pudding. i feel like an old person!! i want to puree everything!!!

So i haven't been to the dentist in 7 years, since i went in college. Get this: the dentist was DRUNK!!!

NO SHIT!!!

i smelled alcohol on his breath, and i SWEAR he was grabbing the dental assistant's butt everytime she walked by!! Plus he wasn't even paying attention to me! he would poke at my mouth to count my teeth, while winking at his assistant! he then even poked my sore tooth so hard, i started bleeding!!!!
"Whoopsies!!!"
Fuck that guy.


So the time before that, the dentist was pretty nice, but had a lousy sense of humor. He kept making jokes like:
"Oh my. That looks really bad. i think we might have a root canal."
and Cassie (who has never even had a CAVITY) would say, "What??? Really??" with all his dental equipment not to mention fingers in my mouth.
He would look at me very seriously and say, "Naw!!! Just kidding!"

Funny, right? Well imaging that happening 4 (i'm not exaggerating here) more times!! All with the instruments in my mouth, all me trying to talk and almost jumping out of the chair. Finally i told him he wasn't very funny, and he had better watch his freebies cabinet.....

So i don't like dentists. They are really weird. i WOULD however go to that Starbase Dental that was featured in Trekkies.
http://trekdoc.com/synopsis.htm

Yeah. i could do that.

Jeff Goldblum

Okay.

So what's the deal with Jeff Goldblum? He's so weird! Did you ever see the Satuday Night Live sketch of him (played by my boyfriend, David Duchovony) on celebrity Jeopardy? It was great!

But seriously, i don't understand how he gets acting roles. i'm not saying i don't like him. I heart The Fly, and i though he did some nice work in Earth Girls Are Easy, but where did this guy come from? I will say the way his way of speach is somewhat endearing (like on all those Mac commercials) but that's how he talks in EVERY movie! Do you think people don't notice?

I'm confused.

I am so confused that i found this funny website and was pleasantly suprised.
http://www.jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com/
This site hasn't been updated in a while, and i think it would be well worth it if it was. i plan on creating many pieces of artwork and submitting them.

p.s.
if anyone has an answer to my above questions, please enlighten me.

deviled cassie

Easter.

Chocolate candy.
Peeps.
Cadbury Eggs.
Bunny rabbits.
Baby Chicks.
Bunny rabbits who think they are baby chicks.

And most important:
Deviled Eggs.

Could there be a more perfect potluck snack? (other than greenbean caserole, which is a side item, or consequently a main course - if it so inclines you...)

I think not. Every year, as you gather around the family potluck, looking at all the wonderful foods everyone has brought. Ahhh.....
Spiral Ham!
mmmmmmm!!!
7 Layer Salad!
mmmmm!!
Potato salad.
Blech.
Pasta Salad.
Blech.
Jello Upsidedown thing with nuts in it.
Blech.
Dinner Rolls!
mmmmmm!!!!!
Potato Chips!
mmmmmm!!!!
Bean dip.
Blech.
Cole Slaw.
Blech.
Greenbean Caserole (with french cut green beans).
Okay. i love greenbean caserole, but french cut green beans? Give me a break!!! WHO likes those? i mean, you can barely pick them up on your fork, cause they've been sliced so thin! Plus who likes the French anyway?
initial blech - then mmmmmmm!!!!
coconut bunny cake.
Blech.
and finally,
Deviled Eggs!

can you think of anything more glorious to top your plate off with than a deviled egg?
The only thing i have a problem with, is that the person making the deviled eggs, only make enough to fit in that special deviled egg tray. Why? Everyone loves them. they want more than one. Do you have exactly 12 people in your family? And if so, why not make an entire dozen of deviled eggs, instead of just 6! You can always reload the tray! Cause you KNOW there is ALWAYS Uncle Terry who will take more than he is alotted. He will take 3 instead of 1 or even a daring 2. That doesn't even count the egg he eats while he's in LINE at the table! Like it doesn't count if you're in line, and it hasn't touched your plate!

Oooooooo!!! You can almost imagine the vein popping out of my head when i think of him stuffing that 4th egg in his mouth, while talking of course!!!

What worse, is when your cousin Sarah (who grandma actually BOUGHT the deviled egg plate for her for Christmas) will actually NOT make deviled eggs that year because she "didn't feel like it"!!!
Listen floosy! You got the tray! It's your FAMILY DUTY to make those suckers! And if you decide NOT to make them, you better send out an emergeny correspondence to let us know, so someone else can take over before it's too late, and you show up at Easter WITHOUT deviled eggs!!!!!

What is with these people?
No Deviled Eggs?
And Greenbean Caserole with French Cut Green Beans??

What family did i grow up with? Is the whole world going MAD??

Hemingway, i didn't do anything for Easter. i made myself pancakes and ate chinese food for dinner.
I guess i will just have to bite the bullet make deviled eggs - FOR MYSELF.

And this time, i'm making a whole dozen!!!

Ms. Drinks-A lot and Ms. Drunk Dials-A lot

This weekend was my friend Rhiannon's birthday. Saturday was the big night of debauchery. unfortunatley, i was unable to attend the whole evening - so i wasn't around to see it. What i WAS around to see was the pre debauchery on Friday.

I was at the local watering hole (which by the way half my paycheck is directly deposited to this place) for 1 beer.

1 beer folks.

have you ever heard of Cassie drinking 1 lone beer? I just couldn't do that to the beer! It would get so lonely....

Hemingway, I am there with Paul, when we run into this guy we got wasted with a couple weekends ago. We couldn't remember his name, and he didn't know ours... so we'll just refer to him as M2 - as in mechanic #2 (there is already a guy whom we refer to only as the mechanic, so M2 seems appropriate). So we ended up getting LOADED with this dude and his quiet lady. Rhiannon pops in for the weekend, in which case i think - I THINK - we did shots (who knows).

Blah blah blah, we all know drunk stories. Needless to say we closed down the bar. Now, Paul being the respectable person in the group went home to pass out on his couch. Rhi and I decided to take his bottle of the Captain, and see if we could wake up with red mustaches drawn on our faces. it seemed to work.

The best part about this whole evening, was that the next night at Rhi's birthday dinner at Little India, Paul told us he recieved our phone message.

Huh? What phone message?

I guess while watching Kill Bill we decided to call Paul and sing him songs from the end credits.

Twice.

Happy Birthday! We're twenty fucking seven years old!

At least we've given up throwing things off the balcony to see their breaking patterns. That was SO immature and SO last summer.

i think you are also asking yourselves, "Cassie ate at a restaurant called Little India?"

You would be correct to assume how strange that I, yes I, would eat at a spicey ethnic restaurant. But i actually like MILD indian food. Unfortunatley, that Saturday i think the chef was a little TOO generous with the MILD. It tasted like Hell's Spawn. i burned my fucking mouth off.

Gross.

DCD = me me me!

Who's going to Dead Can Dance? ME ME ME!!!

Yippeeeeeee!!!

i'm so excited! I am going to Seattle to see one of the most wonderful bands EVA! i don't even mind that there will be undesireables going as well! i'm as happy as a lark! I will be there with my bestest friend in the whole wide world seeing a band i have adored for the last 13 years!

So. The next question is:
Undesireables? Can Cassie actually have undesireables in her life?

The answer to this: - (and this is my blog so i can write whatever i want - especially since no one reads this anyway)
We will call the Undesireables Schmelfie and Quelfie. Yes. i do not like Schmelfie and Quelfie.

Yet they seem to pop up all over the place. But la, what can you do? Only hope i can hold my tounge - for the world is full of undesireables, and you just have to get used to it. Let's just hope i can do it during the DCD weekend. Actually Quelfie is okay, but when the twins are together, i suddenly get nauseated. i won't go into why Schmelfie is so bad. I think it's because i see that Schmelfie has no compassion for anyone BUT Schmelfie. Evil Evil Schmelfie. How can a person walk the earth with so little reguard for others? And how can such an enlightened soul like Quelfie not see this in Schmelfie? Can you not disown a person? i think you can!

But alas - we all have undesireable qualities.

except me.

Just Kidding.

Not really!

HAHA!!..............yes i am.

Let's see, undesireable qualities i attain:

I'm ridiculously funny.
I am uber smart
............when it comes to beer
i have big boobs (trust me, they are a pain in the ass)
I SOMETIMES have problems admitting wrong*
I am a big procrastinator http://www.despair.com/proc24x30pri.html
I love Weird Al Yankovic
I believe that all of life's problems have been addressed and sovled in an episode of the Simpsons
I am jealous of my friend Annie Goulahie
I desire to someday rule the world, and rub it in the faces of all who ridiculed me**
I do not use nor do i believe in any products sold in "Organic" supermarkets
I like Long John Silvers

* - i will always admit i'm wrong, but you have to shove the proof in my face for me to actually do it
** - this is a very common flaw in many humans, but i actually mean it vehemently

So you see! I, YES I, have undesireable qualities as well!
Well, that about sums it up!
I'm really excited to go to Dead Can Dance!