Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Let's take a moment to reflect...

On this foggy March day, I will now give you another look at Cassie’s beautiful apartment. I was going to list them separately, but after waking up 4 times last night, I’ve decided to make a list and let you judge for yourself.



5 Reasons Why Cassie’s Troll Hole Blows:

Reason #1 The Troll Hole = No light
They call it the Troll Hole for a reason. My windows – though big – do not get any light as there is a large apartment building 5 feet away. Consequently I get to hear people in the large building across the concrete alley clearly and often, as the reverb between the buildings is deafening.


(notice the radiator on the ceiling directly above my futon!)


Reason #2 Crappy Carpet
I don’t have money to buy a rug – but if I did – I would. I would almost buy new carpet at the flea market and just lay it over the concrete floor with a layer of outdoor carpet. Oddly enough, I have been in other units in my basement, and they actually have wood flooring! Wood or carpet = padding for concrete. Lets just say I always wear shoes, as my feet get TIRED walking around my apartment! Not to mention there is a gigantor burn mark from an iron! Did someone forget to pick up their iron 20 years ago – and the building owner thought it made the unit ‘unique’? Hmmm….




Reason #3 Cabinets too high
The trolls the apartment was built for must have been as tall as Kurt (6’4”) cause he’s the only person unaffected by the tall cabinets. Granted I ALWAYS have a foot stool around cause I’m short(ish) – but this is ridiculous. I have to stand on my tip toes just to get down my pots and pans! This IS, however, good for when I want to hide cookies from myself. Old Monkey-Arm Christman actually laughs at me for this. Grrr….






Reason #4 1 closet
Men may have no problems with this – ladies? 1 closet means that all my clothes, coats, cleaning products, towels, etc. have to find space to hang out in this baby. Luckily it’s deep, but functional? Yikes. I was under the impression that to call something a bedroom, it had to have a closet. My apartment has a miniature ‘bedroom’ with no closet save this one. I actually use that space as my storage area, as there isn’t any reason to use it as a ‘bedroom’ anyway. Ugh.





(is that the 3 Men and a Baby boy?)



Reason #5 Ghostly Sounds
Well this is why I woke up 4 times last night. Pipes, people, and creaking make this apartment scary. When the boiler turns on all pipes in my apartment start to BANG! And if you don’t remember my Casa Bonita bathroom – those pipes go all over the ceiling! I even have radiators on the ceiling! It’s weird.





But not as weird as waking up at 3:15 am to clang that can only be described as in Jaws 2 when Brody is banging on that electrical cable – above water that is.






If you have any reason to doubt my incredulous mood swings over the past month - need I say more?

16 comments:

This and That said...

Look at it as training for the Peacecorps and whatever conditions you will be living in over there. After a year over there, this apt may not look so bad...(or maybe it still will). off to St. Louis. never got emails with #'s for amber. I don't use the comcass email anymore, maybe that was all she has. can you call my cell with her #. I'll be taking it with me.

caffeinator_x said...

I don't think I've mentioned yet HOW MUCH I love your "Troll Hole Blows" posts. Seriously, they make me laugh out loud.

Plus, I think they help me to stop pining for a "simpler time". When I was 21 I had basement apartment on 13th and Penn. Every time the people upstairs in the "real apartments" flushed their toilets, you could hear the water rushing through the tangle of pipes across my celing.

Worse than that, the whole apartment would flood with this HEINOUS smell.

When we complained to the manager, he just said, "Yeah, that'll happen sometimes"

Blackpetunia said...

Hell, after this, the Peace Corp rooms will seem luxurious!
T&T I got an error message one time when I tried to email you, must not have the new one. Hope you got my number!

Pablo said...

You know what would make this place more livable? ANTS! They're...soft...so the floor wouldn't be so hard. Organic...ummm. Put some honey on the floor, see where it goes.

caffeinator_x said...

Pablo like New Order. Pablo like classic Schwinn. Me like Pablo. Where Pablo blog?

locomocos said...

Pablo - please read THIS POST

and yes - have you created a new blog yet?

locomocos said...

AND -
Caffx - I forgot to mention the toilets flushing from everyone with 'real' apartments! You TOO?

although I never get a stench 'that happens'.

probably in the PC i will - ugh...

Josh said...

Well, the bright side is that you don't have to squat over a hole.

jason said...

and you rented this place why???

JLee said...

time to move!!

This and That said...

hey Amber/Cassie/the hubby...I am on Congress Street. there is a 'venus' bar on the corner? cool 3 story brownstone the parents scored here.very eclectic neighborhood, 'Benton Park'. Caff X would be dying if he saw this house. I will try and stay off the computer as much as possible. Just hoping the cat which is in seclusion on the 3rd floor doesn't make me crazy. I have BAD cat allergies! my cell # is 303-921-6263. hope to hook up. off to watch 'Breakin' with the son and grandma. It is my sons favorite movie and he had to bring it. he tries to break dance. see ya'...
ps
Cassie...I hope this apt is very cheap rent. Caff X and I had a basement apt with pipes overhead on 9th and Ogden 8 years ago. Very Bad Feng shui!!!Watch for headaches.

I am 5 hours from Chicago...SO tempting!

Pablo said...

Umm...oh. You have ants / had ants? I guess you didn't like them. Maybe spiders would help if you don't want ants...err...you don't like spiders.

Ok. Let spiders go to take care of the ants. Leave to the mountains for a couple days, come back, open the door, throw in a few mongooses...mongeese...
Come back with a net and some of those "catch pole" things. If that doesn't work, toss in a badger.

2 Dollar Productions said...

Those cabinents are crazy high. Who was it designed for - giants? But it's the sounds that would drive me crazy as I need quiet when I'm sleeping or I think it would be easy to sleep into delirium or any number of moods.

Anonymous said...

I guess I have been lucky. I've never had a troll house yet or one that just smells or anything. Maybe I'm just lucky. Let me know if you need anything though. -- The brother

Aaron said...

I agree with Jason. Does this place have a money tree in the back yard or something?

What is the purpose of having a radiator on the ceiling? That doesn't make any sense.

Cas, I have to take exception to your comment about men and closet space. I have about 10 times as much closet space as you and I need every cubic inch of it. I don't understand how they can call it a 1 bedroom with a closet like that.

locomocos said...

Well - as you all know, I will be moving to KC soon to stay with my family.

This apartment is temporary and 'cheap'. It's not too bad since I'm only staying there for 2 months - If it were my permanent residence, I would hang myself from the radiator on the ceiling.