Thursday, March 22, 2007

Th-HERS-day

I’m feeling a little depressed today. All the changes going on in my life, the end of the life I’ve known here in Denver for the last 6 years – heck – the last 9 years I’ve been in Colorado! I was listening to some music while doing a landscape design yesterday – and I got really sad. The lyrics were talking about everything ending, and trying to cope with ‘losing’ someone – or in my case, something. I know I’m getting ready to start a new chapter in my book of life, but it seems so scary all of sudden. Last night I dreamt of roller coasters and how I barely made it in time to take my seat! Only when I got in, the ‘check’ people had already gone through the line to make sure everyone’s head/body brace was secure enough to go upside down. Mine wasn’t secure and I ended up dangling – like in those crazy old Looney Toons when the Red Baron was chasing Bugs in a plane from the 20s. You flip upside down and try to ‘crawl’ back into the cockpit! Ha!

If that doesn’t say a lot, I don’t know what does. Everyone has been so supportive with my decision to change my life, and up until now the changes were bearable. But the more I think of what lies ahead, I wonder if I’m prepared.

I guess you can NEVER be TOO prepared – life always throws you fast balls, right?
I know deep down I’m READY to take this step. Everything in my body tells me so. The constant Burn Out tells me to change something in my life – and not to overuse my favorite phrase, but “Get Busy Livin’ or Get Busy Dyin’” resonates in my head along with the Peace Corps tagline, “Life is Calling – How Far Will You Go?”.

Being human, I know its okay to get scared. Being Cassie, I tell myself to “Get Up! Do your work! It doesn’t Hurt!” I told myself this when I fell down the basement stairs of our old house while doing laundry! Ha! It knocked the wind out of me and I couldn’t sit properly for 2 weeks! What a hard ass I am to myself! Literally!

So thanks for the constant support. Sometimes I just need to write it down, which is why I have a blog. And sometimes I need encouragement, like the picture Josh made for me!

6 comments:

This and That said...

what is happening in the first pic. are you freefalling?

locomocos said...

actually, i got that picture off some Burning Man site. the picture looked like the dream I had last night, although i'm pretty sure the girl in the pic was on drugs

JLee said...

Being on a rollercoaster seems to relate to feeling out of control of your life. Sometimes we have to freefall and see how we land :)

2 Dollar Productions said...

I must have missed the Peace Corps gig, but your the second person I know who's gone there recently.

Good luck and I think all preparation is good, regardless it never seems like enough, but I like your Shawshank quote. It seems appropriate & good luck.

Aaron said...

"I guess you can NEVER be TOO prepared – life always throws you fast balls, right?"

I think the correct pitch you were looking for is 'curve ball'.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy Cas. Keep your eyes open and your head pointed forward.

To paraphrase Chris Rock - life ain't short, life is looooong. Life is the longest thing you ever do. Especially if you make the wrong choices.

Also, it's better to regret things you have done than to regret things you never had the guts to do.

Let me know when you'll be in KC so I can see ya before you make your jaunt to the third world.

Paul said...

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver

Oliver's poems are really good to put everything into perspective. You can read the whole poem from which the above lines are taken here: http://www.smalla.net/tidbits/2004/06/23/mary_oliver.shtml