Friday, March 30, 2007

Hey, Is This Thing On?

Warning: Lady Sensitive Material Below. Men - Read with Caution. You have been warned.

I am officially broke. I got my paycheck today, wrote out my bills (which is very rare for me), and got Josh his 30th birthday present. It has been decided that after all is said and done, I will only be able to spend $162 dollars for the next 2 weeks. That’s $81 per week. Plus I have to do my taxes this weekend – which I’m sure will end up costing me a fortune. Not to mention all the doctor and dental visits I’m required to make for my Peace Corps application.

Speaking of which, I will now talk about my medical experiences (which are far from over):
I went to the dentist for my check up – and somehow (it’s still a mystery to me) she figured out that I never floss.
I mean – I flossed right before my appointment and STILL she caught me! So due to lack of flossing, I have to come back for some POWERWASH deep cleaning! Boo! My insurance only partially covers this – which means? I will have to shell out money from my savings! 3 separate visits! UGH!!!

THEN I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. I won’t go into details, but it was a scene from Seinfeld. I usually go to Planned Parenthood for all my ‘lady’ needs – but due to my medical packet, I had to go to my doctor. So I’m laying on the table – cracking jokes – and my doctor is calling for the nurse to come in and ‘assist’. Assist? Assist what? So she’s walking in and out of the exam room – while I’m laying my business open out to the world! My doctor peeks around my legs to ‘shoot the shit’ with me in the interim? Wha????? I’m not too modest with doctor stuff – but that made even ME uncomfortable! I sure never appreciated my Planned Parenthood as much as I did then. If any of you ladies go to a regular doctor for lady stuff – you need to switch. At least PP has posters of cats and crap to read on the ceiling. This guy was talking about his golf swing. Ugh.

I get done and have to go give a urine sample. That took about an hour as I got a little nervous. The young nurse showed me the room and told me the instructions were on the wall – and she shut the door. The list for how a woman was supposed to give a urine sample was about 10 steps. Men – 3. Let me tell you – I didn’t think it was that difficult to pee in a cup, but I guess there’s more to it than previously believed. After that they took about 4 vials of blood and told me to come back Monday.

I am now firm in my previous beliefs that the medical and dental industry is just as big of a scam as insurance.
And I am never going to that doctor again. I’m switching to a woman. No question. I’d rather have her talking over my legs about her cat’s fur balls than about her golf game.


Aaron said...

You were right the first time Cas. As a man, reading that post made me feel... uncomfortable.

I'm abundantly grateful every day that I'm not a woman.

S E E Quine said...

` Me either!




This and That said...

had 2 male obgyns and both were morons. 1 told me as I was giving birth to a bowling ball size head(my son)that he had a birth defect (just what a new parent wants to hear right away)..and then said..."oh it is minor, don't worry". this genius also took out tumors from my ovaries years before and left on a plane right after the supposed day surgery which turned into a 3 day stay in the hospital because of a bad reaction to pain meds/anasthesia. they couldn't find him to release me, so ted literally carried me out after 3 days.
doc #2.(Dr. Payne...his real name!) I went in for a routine visit, got a pregnancy test done just in case, came back positive...a shock because I was 10 days from even missing my period, and he then said that I will probably miscarry because of my "advanced Maternal age" so not to get too excited yet. I didn't miscarry, and have an awesome little girl....who was delivered by a woman!!! I say stick with the sex that have the same parts and same hormones and know at least to talk about chocolate over golf!