Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Beautiful House Reason #1

Well, I've decided to document all the reasons why my new basement apartment blows.

I'm not ungrateful, mind you. This is a good apartment for cheap rent on a month to month basis. You don't find those too often - especially with an excellent land lady who takes care of business. Unfortunately, unless she wanted to shell out mass quantities of dough, it will take a lot to transform this little unit into something other than "The Troll Hole" (her words, not mine).
First impressions:

Small, bad carpet, weird noises, basement-y.

I will now describe Issue #1 – My Casa Bonita Bathroom.

If any of you have been to Casa Bonita here in Denver, CO – you will no doubt remember the basement. It looks like a cave with beige stalactites and stalagmites made out of concrete. Very fun for kids and if you’ve never been there – I suggest you go. I enjoy it myself, and have been multiple times in the last year. Not the best food, but fun to get Corona in a bucket.

Hemingway, my bathroom. The bathroom has a textured paint in it which is a dark beige color which matches one of the walls in the ‘living room’. It was a home job, which means a past tenant decided to try out his handiwork of an episode of Trading Spaces he just saw. A coating of a hardening material was applied and molded into a round ‘fan’ pattern. No biggie, right? Well once he reached the ceiling, instead of stopping he decided to take the goop right up overhead. One important key factor he didn’t anticipate. Gravity. The goop was too moist to hold form when hanging upside down, and dried into stalactites, much like in a cave of calcium carbonate and mineralized water. To give it that ‘Casa Bonita’ look, he applied the dark beige paint. As if to emphasize his glorious home d├ęcor, he painted all the pipes running through the bathroom (from all the upstairs tenants) copper. Apparently the pipes which were most likely painted white to blend in with the ceiling - needed to stand out, therefore accenting a horrible paint job with a spray can, and a bloody awful stucco-esque job.

(please note the light globes in which only turn on above the mirror on the fixture)

As I stood at the sink on my first morning, I was pretty content with my shower. I figured out the fine tuning it took to get the water just right, stepped out on my little mat, and made sure not to lean too heavily on the sink, as it was crackling off the walls. I was flossing my teeth, and making those funny faces everyone does in the mirror, when I felt a drop of water. I looked around and saw nothing. I continued my routine. Another drop. I tried to ignore it. But lo – Casa Bonita would not be ignored. Finally I looked up and saw one miscellaneous pipe without insulation on it, packed with water droplets from the condensation of my shower –directly above my head while standing at the sink. One phrase came to my mind:

It’s gon’ rain on yo head

From The Color Purple

Yep. My bathroom rains on my head every morning. Reason #1 why my new apartment blows.


Denny said...

well at least the light switch in the bathroom is easy to find, right ?

This and That said...

I'm guessing you will be hanging at Josh's often.

Aaron said...

Don't they have any apartments in Denver that don't have exposed plumbing?

The main partner at our firm recently moved into a 'loft' apartment in Zona Rosa which has CONCRETE FLOORS and exposed plumbing and ventilation. I don't understand the desire to move into a place that isn't finished.

jason said...

It's "industrial chic". Seems to be very trendy with restaurants nowadays. I like it in restaurants, but I wouldn't want to live in a house like that.

Laura said...

Don't listen to them Cassie... dripping water will make your bathtime fun much shorter now. You won't want to ruin the do that you've speant oh so long perfecting in front of the mirror so you will leave the bathroom quickly after getting ready in the morning. You will get to work quicker; your boss will notice; over a period of time he will comment on how eager you seem to be since you've been coming in earlier; eventually you will get a phat (ph, notice) raise and have enough money to retire in Belize (though I would pick a different place to retire... seeing as how Belize is a third world country in all but I've heard it's nice).