Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Ode to Patrick Stewart

I came across this as i was trying to find something on Patrick Stewart on SNL when he ran that erotic bakery! But his opening monologue when he hosted Saturday Night Live was pretty funny:

I have no illusions why I'm here tonight.
It's because of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
Well, thank you very much, but I have a confession to make. When I was first given the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, I pretended to take it all in my stride; I was so cool in interviews;
I claimed never to have seen the original classic Trek. But, it was all an act, because inside, I was so ecstatic... I was delirious... You see, not only am i probably the biggest Star Trek fan of all time, but well, as my friends can tell you, I am virtually an encyclopedia of Star Trek facts and trivia.

Well now, for example, listen: Here's a fact I bet you don't know. On the original show, the name of the space ship was not the "Star Trek"! No, no, it was in fact, the "Enterprise". Now that's true.

Now, all right, here's another one: Everyone knows that the part of Captain James M. Kirk was played by William Shiner. Then of course later he was to become very famous as the Six Million Dollar Man. But how many of you here know which actor played the chief medical officer, Dr. McCray, who was of course otherwise known as Boney? You give up, don't you? Well that was Forest D. Kelley.

Well perhaps you knew that one, but can you name to me the ship's other medical officer... you see, because of course, there were two. You see, you're stumped. You are forgetting Dr. Spock. Now you remember, right? He was the pointy eared creature, you know? Half human, half volcano, and he was forever tormenting old Boney with his cold volcano logic, and uh...

All right.. here's another bit of trivia. Did you know that another Star Trek character, Captain Sulu, was the first black woman ever on television? Anyway, being the Star Trek trivia maniac that I am, well you can imagine my feelings when I first learned that I won the role of Captain Picard. I felt a kinship, you know, with all those unforgettable legendary chartacters... Kirk, Boney, and especially Spock, and I even know... well I wrote a note to Leonard Fortnoy, but I guess he never received it. Anyway, Leonard, if you're watching, this is for you.

Outer space: the last frontier. These are the trips of the Star Trek Enterprise. Its five year plan calls for us to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly fly where no man has gone in space.

Live long (boy scout sign), and be happy.

If you want to visit the site:
He LOVES Patrick Stewart!


Kurt C said...

That love boat skit was some funny shit. "She sweats through her skin like a shaaarrk!" Or my favorite...

Data: "Captain, I got you a present..."

Cap'n: "Thank you data," (surprise) "Why data... it's a human heart!"

Data: "Dipped in cho-co-late."

Cap'n: "Data, you've got a lot to learn! Hahahahaha"


locomocos said...

i like that one too. but i was really trying to find a picture of him as the bakery guy, trying to sell everyone cakes of people peeing on each other! LOVE IT!!!

Anonymous said...

lol nice.