Friday, September 29, 2006

I think my car is Christine’s evil cousin, Janet.

My Deductive Reasoning is as Follows:
EXHIBIT A

-You know how Christine was a 58 Plymouth Fury?
-Well Janet (as she is now called) is a 66 Dodge Dart.


Connection: Dodge and Plymouth were closely related, they were both 4 doors, and very long.

EXHIBIT B
-Christine was purchased for $300 from some dead dude’s crazy brother.
-Janet was purchased by my x-boyfriend from Amber’s old roommate, Darla.

Connection: My ex-boyfriend had a crazy mother who used to ‘borrow’ money from him all the time.

EXHIBIT C
-Christine loved her new owner, Arnie, SO MUCH that she would try to KILL anyone who hurt him, or anyone of whom she was jealous.
-Janet apparently doesn’t love me at all, as she has KILLED my bank account while I’ve owned her. She shows her ‘jealousy’ by breaking down with me in it ALONE on the highway.


Connection: Both cars can break hearts. Literally.

EXHIBIT D
-Christine gets damaged, and then magically fixes the problem brand new ALL BY HERSELF.
-Janet has to be sent to the mechanic, and as soon as she gets home, she decides something totally unrelated to the first problem has to be replaced for around an additional $400
.

Connection: Both cars have problems at some point. They just handle them differently.

Conclusion:
I’d rather have a psycho car that has a taste for blood, instead of a taste for liquidating my checkbook.

News For the Weekend - Because I'm Lazy

History Of Rock Written By The Losers
September 17, 2003
Issue 39•36
BOSTON—Fifty years after its inception, rock 'n' roll music remains popular due to the ardor of its fans and the hard work of musicians, producers, and concert promoters. But in the vast universe of popular music, there exists an oft-overlooked group of dedicated individuals who devote their ample free time to collecting, debating, and publishing the minutiae of the rock genre. They are the losers who write rock's rich and storied history.

READ MORE HERE

Guy In Philosophy Class Needs To Shut The Fuck Up
SEE AMBER'S POST
READ MORE HERE
Sorry about that, Amber! That just proves how lazy i am!

I Must Take Issue With The Wikipedia Entry For 'Weird Al' Yankovic
By
Larry Groznic
November 10, 2004
Issue 40•45

To whomever or whatever is currently in charge of the free encyclopedia and online community portal at Wikipedia.org, I demand that you remove the mask of anonymity and account for the gross oversights to be found on your site. I must take issue with your entry for "Weird Al" Yankovic—for in allowing it to remain active, you are perpetrating a great injustice.

READ MORE - I LOVE LARRY!!!

Crack Dealer Only Tenant Landlord Can Depend On For Rent
September 22, 2006
Issue 42•39
CULVER CITY, CA—Despite owning 15 units in the central Los Angeles area, landlord Marceline Brown can only count on receiving on-time rent payments from one of her tenants: full-time crack dealer Nathan "Buck" Cruz, 24.
According to Brown, Cruz has never missed a rent deadline since moving into 1211 Juniette Street, Apartment 2D in October 2004, despite having no bank account, credit cards, or personal checks.
READ MORE HERE

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Alright Ghosties....

The Time is Nigh –

As most of you know. Not only is the Tenacious D movie scheduled to come out on
November 17th but Halloween is just around the corner!

It has been decided. Josh and my costume:


As many of you who live in the Denver Metro area know, I will be hosting a sponsorship Halloween spectacular in appreciation of everyone who sponsored me and my roomie, Paul, with our fundraising this year!

So what’s the big deal? The deal is this will be the greatest Halloween party since that one year in college where Ed and I went as Eddie and Patsy from AbFab, there was an Ice Luge, piñata, and cops! That was the greatest night of my life!

Hemingway:
So this year’s Spooktacular Soiree, I want ALL of those things (except the cops really have to be strippers or something)!!!! My friend Michael said he would help me create a small fountain of jungle juice, Josh wants to buy a fog machine, and I’m setting up my pool for some late night bobbing for shooters!

Now, I am on a budget, so I have to use my money wisely. What I’m asking is for some ideas.

What are some of the greatest things you’ve ever experienced at a party, which I can re-create for mine?
I am up for ANYTHING!!!

My Great Party list:
1. Ice Luge/Beer Bong
2. Piñata
3. Chimenea/55 gal drum full of fire for outdoor heat (Halloween in CO is FREEZING)
4. fountain of some sort of alcohol
5. Great food for all night snacking

What else should I add? What would make this party GREAT????

Friday, September 22, 2006

This Week in The Onion

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Gerrymandered To Serve King Friday's Make-Believe Agenda
September 19, 2006
Issue 42•38
MISTER ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD, PA—A plan to radically redistrict Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood to further cement the control of the powerful King Friday XIII political machine is expected to pass this week and deeply affect current taxation structure, voting patterns, and services. "Meow-me-meow can't afford meow property tax as it stands now meow, and meow don't want everything I've worked for to be destroyed meow," said one resident, who asked to remain anonymous. Among the anticipated changes are sharp cutbacks in speedy deliveries, the elimination of trolley routes to such low-income districts as Someplace Else and the platypus mound, as well as the destruction of the Museum-Go-Round to make room for a massive new headquarters for The Electric Company.

Moisture Farming Sure is Tough...




I found this while looking for a picture of Whining for my last post comment. It was too good to pass up for a post!

hahaha!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I've Ranted, Now I've Relented....

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Day in the Life....

So not much has been going on, except that I’m completely slammed at work. I’ve been working on that MS150 post for a week, and have MADE myself take 5 minutes to write my thoughts out today.

Although I’ve been crazy busy, I have had time to NOT watch my Brisco County Jr. Instead, I have put aside my dream husband, Bruce Campbell, for none other than Clark Kent. No no, not the NEW Superman – OR the old one!
Josh bought the first 3 seasons of Smallville, and I must say, I’m completely hooked! Although I don’t know if it’s because the show is really great, or Tom Welling is such a hottie.
Now, as most of you who know me, know that my true loves never have that ‘Pretty Boy’ style of good looks.

(in random order)
1. Bruce Campbell
2. Jack Black
3. Colin Firth
4. Ewan McGregor
5. Steve Zahn
6. Tobey McGuire
7. Johnny Depp (whom out of all of them, DOES give Tom a run for his money)
8. Lenny Kravitz
9. Beck
10. Mike Myers

But due to Tom’s good looks, and as Paul so astutely observed, his character as the honest, mild mannered, teen-angst ridden superhero this is probably why my attraction has formed. That and he takes his shirt off a lot (but not enough….haha!).

So the question raised in me is: If he played evil Lex Luthor, would I still think him a hottie?
I’m not sure. He might go off my radar like most goofy ‘too pretty’ actors (i.e. Ashton Kutcher).

While I search within myself for this answer, I feel I’m cheating on all my other boyfriends. I feel I’ve let Bruce down. Don’t ask me why, but I feel embarrassed that if Bruce walked into a coffee shop where I was at - and I showed him my top 5 list – he might be a little disappointed to see Tom’s name on the list. He might think I was into looks, and not abilities! But then again, if that highly unlikely situation ever did occur, I doubt Bruce would make the decision to go out with me due to a silly piece of paper. He probably would call for security and tell me to get my drooling limp body out of the way of his latte.

Tom Welling would decide my fate in a matter of seconds, using the old 'Caesar Thumbs up or down’ gesture – in which his body guards would pick me up and drop me off 25 miles from the point of contact.

Well, at the end of the day, I have a much better piece of eye candy waiting for me. After all, I have my own hottie at home who doesn’t even COMPARE to my top 5 list. I mean, who could want anything more than SMOKIN’ HAWT JOSH!!!
Yeah. You know you want some.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Don't Ye Be Forgettin'!



Talk Like a Pirate Day!

MS150 = ME ME ME!!!!

Well the bike ride was a success! I didn’t actually ride the full 150 miles, but I did ride 90!

It started out a rainy Saturday morning at 5:30 am, when my mom woke me up to tell me to get ready. It was about a half hour drive to the starting point, and we needed to pack my step dad’s car with all our gear. As we groggily loaded up out gear and started the drive out to the meeting point, I looked outside as the rain continued its steady pour. My mom turned to me in the back seat and asked if I still wanted to do the ride.

“It’s up to you, but if you want to bail out, I’ll understand. It’s really rainy, and that makes it a little dangerous to ride.”

It reminded me of the time we drove 2 hours from my small hometown of Albany, MO to go to the amusement park in Kansas City circa 1985. It was down pouring, and my dad offered me and my brother each $100 if we DIDN’T go to the amusement park, and go to the nice, DRY Toys-R-Us instead. Now, being a kid who gets to go to the big city amusement park once a year, what do you think we did? Yep. Got soaked riding the Zambezi Zinger all day! Ahh. What parents will do for their kids!

So what did my mom do for me? She went ahead an rode with me on the ride, in the soaking rain.

Cassie on the MS150
Originally uploaded by locomocos.


The ride broke down like this:
Ride 10 miles
Hit a rest stop to eat, pee, and be merry.
Ride 10 miles
Hit a rest stop to eat, pee, rub my butt and stretch my legs.
Ride 10 miles up and down hills
Hit a rest stop to eat, and try to regain feeling in my hands
Ride 10 miles UP and down HILLS
Hit a rest stop to eat, drink mass quantities of water, and ring out my jacket
Ride 10 miles UP MOUNTAINS BOTH WAYS
Hit a rest stop, eat lunch, take off the camelbak, pee, allow my vision to return, and fall on the ground.


Vince (my step dad) picked us up close to Warrensburg, MO and proceeded to load our bikes up and take us to the Missouri State Fairgrounds in Sedalia, MO, where we were to set up camp for the night.
After riding 50 miles in the rain, I was so tired, I wanted fall asleep in the car! But my step dad kept driving all crazy (albeit he drives like that normally) to keep me awake. He said I couldn’t sleep but had to walk off all the biking so as not to be sore the next day! I relented, and as we got to the grounds, helped set up camp.
After my step dad left, my mom and I took showers, ate a free spaghetti dinner, and wandered around camp checking out all the other riders. There were ALL types of people riding and supporting! Many riders had family that came to meet them at the campgrounds! There were kids, old people, spouses and even a 1 man band! People rode on tandems, recumbents, tagalongs, mountain bikes, and kid trailers! It was very impressive. By 8pm, we were pooped and both of us fell asleep feeling the air mattress in our tent was more like a Sleep Number bed!

Day 2 started out with (my favorite) pancakes and sunshine! We hopped on our bikes at 7:30 in which the ride proceeded like this:
Ride 10 miles
Hit a rest stop and almost fall off my bike as my legs were still wobbly! But don’t worry, I ate!
Ride 10 miles UP
DEVIL’S TOWER
Hit a rest stop to eat, and decide to take a SAG vehicle to the next rest stop. We were pooped! And boy, were we glad we did! As we rode to the next stop in the back of a truck, it looked like you had to bike up the Grand Canyon! Who knew Missouri was so diverse!
Hit the next rest stop, and I decided to ride to the next stop, while my mom stayed in the truck.
Ride 6 really good miles
Hit the rest stop and decided to SAG another 10 with my mom (after eating)
Hit the next rest stop, eat, chatted with mom in the truck, and decided I was rested and ready to ride!
Ride 6 more really good miles
Meet up with my mom at the last rest stop before the finish!
We rode the last 8 miles together, and ended up crossing the finish line in Knobnoster, MO at just around 2:30 pm!


It was a great feeling to come across that finish line, and grab my medal!
90 miles ain’t bad!
Needless to say, I was pooped when I got home, and ended up going out for dinner with my family and my friend, Greg afterward. And what happened after dinner? Mass quantities of beer. Heck YES!!! I’d like to say a short THANK YOU to Greg, for the tall cans. I think those make you get drunk faster! It had nothing to do with the fact that I rode 90 miles and burned up an assload of calories!

It was fun, the weather was good (I’d take rain over 110 degree humid Midwest heat ANYDAY) and I ended up raising over $600 for Multiple Sclerosis!
Thanks everybody who helped out!!!! And THANKS for the support!

Will I do this again next year? You bet! Only this time, I’ll train for rolling hills, instead of in the city where everything was FLAT like Kansas! BOY did I bust my butt!
Anyone like to join me?

Friday, September 15, 2006

I'm BACK!!!

Big post to come....

But for now, a deep thought.....

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Brisco = Bare Pockets = Good Night Sleep


So I bought the complete seasons of Brisco County Jr. I just started watching them from the beginning, and dammit if they aren’t as good as when I saw them back in 1993!

The even better part? I dreamt about my boyfriend, Bruce, all night!
Ah….What a dreamboat!

So my reason for ranting: Why was this DVD box set so expensive? I looked around online and think I got a pretty good deal, but this reminds me of ALL DVD series sets. Buying the complete seasons is very big right now. Heck, I am only 1 season away from having all 7 seasons of Star Trek the Next Generation! Of course, I couldn’t actually AFFORD all 7 seasons. Star Trek is over $100 per season – anywhere you look! I burned them through Netflix. But my question is this: Why are they so expensive? It’s like they’re charging $15 per disk per set! Well I don’t like it! Thank gawd we can burn DVDs. Otherwise, I’d NEVER be able to get all seasons of X-Files!

Holy crap. Looking at the above paragraph, I just realized what a nerd I am.

But cereally, why so expensive, mon frere? I mean, most of the box sets aren’t even in syndication anymore. NO ONE wants to buy half of what they’re putting out! I mean, Land of the Lost? The Facts of Life? What’s Happening? Webster? Who wants to buy that crap? And even if you DO want to buy it, why is it so damn expensive? Okay, so many of you may be thinking the same about Brisco – which OBVIOUSLY you’ve never WATCHED that show – but are Warner Brothers and UBU Productions worried about LOSING money over the selling of their ‘great’ TV shows? I would think they’re actually MAKING money buy just putting them out there! And think about all the MORE money they’d be making if they lowered the cost of these stinker’s – so the general public could actually AFFORD them!

Okay. I’ll stop ranting. But I really DO wonder who is gobbling up the complete first season of Diff’rent Strokes at an amazing $40 a pop. I ask you?

How about any other stinker box sets? I’d LOVE to hear about them!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Jeff Allen

I was driving to a meeting yesterday, when the song, "When I see you Smile" by Bad English came on the radio. Now, this is a really crappy song, but when I was in 7th grade, Jeff Allen called in and dedicated it to me on the local college radio station.

Ohmigod! I was so excited! I was so touched! I was so in love!


Cassie circa 1991
Originally uploaded by locomocos.

Maybe I’m feeling nostalgic, like This and That, or maybe its because my 10 year high school reunion came and went.

Or maybe it’s because I randomly heard that song on Jack FM and immediately recognized it due to the one time I had heard it.

But i was thinking about a simpler time. Not that my life is so utterly complicated now, but i wish I could get the same feeling of giddiness i got from hearing that song request back in 1991 from something like, getting a tax refund. Or maybe getting my car back from the mechanic! I guess i got really giddy over going to Seattle last year and seeing Dead Can Dance - but is that all i have to look forward to? Why can't i get giddy like that ALL the time like in jr. high and high school, instead of just once in a while when i shell out tons of dough?

I'm taking that back, just like in Clerks 2 - but a little different (WHICH i would recommend to ANYONE who had seen Clerks back in 1995 - if you haven't seen it and appreciated it, don't try to see it now, and then watch Clerks 2. You will be disappointed.)

But yes. I'm taking small triumphs and giddiness back from the carefree pre-teen and teens.

I am going to try really really hard to get passionate about something, enough to not be able to sleep the night before (other than a job interview or court date)!'


I will from now on be excited and giddy about all things!
And as I look at my daily life, here is where the challenge lies:


1. Getting up for work!
2. Paying my bills on time!
3. Hearing my boss tell me he has another project due tomorrow for me!
4. Your Dart needs more work!
5. You need to get braces to correct that existing baby tooth!
6. Another season of The Apprentice!
7. Taco Salad for dinner.....again!
8. Your bar tab is over $30.....again!
9. Looks like the dryer shrunk another pair of your jeans! Seriously!
10. Getting up for work!

That's right. I am going to think about that feeling I got when Jeff Allen dedicated me a song on the radio, and then asked me to the Valentine's Dance. I will stand up tall and sing, "When I see you Smile" all the way home!
Get ready for greatness, Lloyd!