Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Private 'Special Needs Person'

Alright. I mean Retard.
In all honesty, when I first saw the movie Private Benjamin, I was probably only 8 years old. All I remembered was the boot camp and how they put some blue stuff in the drill sergeant’s shower head. But does anyone remember the last half of the movie? Of course not! Cause it blew goats!

I just saw this movie on WE the other night and thought, "Well, I'll watch it cause I don't quite remember it, and I love Goldie Hawn!"
How dumb was that thought?

The entire basis of humor about some debutant being in the army was how she signed up for 3 years, and couldn’t get out!
So what happens? Not even a year after the best part of the movie (boot camp) she decides to ‘quit’ the army to get married to some loser French guy! Helloooo?

Now, I’m not going to LIST the reasons why this movie could never take place (nail polish, wavy perms, and red underwear - sound like the army?) but what just happened to the plot?! Did I miss something? Who were the writers for this? Because AGAIN, I believe I need to switch careers and become a screenwriter. I mean really, if it’s THAT easy!

I know this movie was no award winner, but why is it still being shown in syndicate? It’s ridiculous! The end of the movie, while you’re waiting for Goldie Hawn to somehow get back INTO the army, she ends up wandering off in a wedding dress down the French countryside!

Private Benjamin has just entered my list of stinkers. Granted, I’m sure no one is surprised.

That and I just heard the dumbest movie quote evar.
I was watching 4 Weddings and a Funeral (cause it was on right before Private Benjamin) and right after Andy McDowell comments on how soaking wet she is from standing in the rain, she says, “Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.”
WHAT?????? What just happened 2 lines before THAT??? Was I the only person who caught that?

Gawd. I need some Academy Award winners/nominees, and FAST. And NO Jerry McGuire!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Soy is making kids 'gay'

So, I finally found out the equation:

Take one baby.......


Soy Milk and Soy Products


My friend, Ed.

Happy Birthday Amber!

Bon Anniversaire a Vous!!!

Happy Birthday, Amber!
From Cassie and Brice:

And now, in honor of your birthday, I will post all of my Amber pictures on my computer!

Whoops! How did Fonzie jumping over sharks get in there?Happy Birthday, My Beautiful Friend!
I love you with all my heart!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Comin’ down the Chimney, Down!

So my favorite Christmas song just came on the radio station KOSI 101.1FM, which right around Thanksgiving, started playing Christmas music 24/7.

I like listening to Christmas music cause I can sing along here at work, which doesn’t always work while listening to the ‘modern rock’ station (presumably because I am now an OLD LADY). You’d think I would hate it, as I worked retail for 7 years, and had to listen to it NON STOP. But it’s been a while, and I’m not cured yet….

Hemingway, my favorite song came on, which is Happy Holidays by Andy Williams (#2 on album)

There’s just something about the way he says, “Don’t forget, to hang up your sock!” that makes me boogie in my chair! It makes me get into the holiday spirit and want to watch White Christmas, or Elf!

But lo – what came on right after my holiday tune? “My Favorite Things” by Julie Andrews, from The Sound of Music! Is this a holiday tune? And if so, why? When did this become a Christmas staple? And where in the song does she sing about Christmas OR holidays? She just talks about her favorite things, like friggin’ whiskers on kittens!

Speaking of favorite things, has anyone actually listened to that crappy Christmas song, Santa Baby, by Eartha Kit? That entire song is about some tart who wants her sugar daddy to buy her EXPENSIVE things, like a yacht and a platinum mine! WTF??? Of course she deserves all these things cause she has been a ‘good girl’ which translates into THIS in my book….
Geez that song blowz.

But I was trying to thing of GOOD things while at work, so I created my list of favorite holiday tunes:

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town – Jackson 5
2. The Carol of the Bells – any random choir of boys
3. Happy Holidays – Andy Williams
4. White Christmas – Bing Crosby

And last but not least:
5. Fairytale of New York – The Pogues (Shane MacGowan and Kristy McColl)

What are your favorite tunes?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

He Sees you When....

Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!

The Onion

Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!

"And it wasn't just once either, my wee friend! Oh, what a naughty, prolific rascal you've been! Ho, ho, ho!"

Monday, December 11, 2006

Post Birthday Post

Thank you all for your happy birthday wishes!
Besides playing around with my camera phone on my b-day, I got:

1. Beerfest from Kurt
2. Slippers, Magnum and A CAR from Josh
3. Dishes from Mom
4. Moolah from Dad
5. Ice Luge from Ed and Paul
6. Free drinks from Gabors
7. Birthday texts from Denny, Leslie, and Sherri
8. Ecards from Amber and Cody
9. Cards from my Aunt Rita, Kaila, Josh and Leslie
10. Birthday kudos from MANY people as seen on myspace and my last post!
11. Measuring cups from Josh's mom
12. Scarf from Euna
13. Ode From Amber
14. Hangover from Kurt, Ed, Paul, Euna and Stacey!

Thank you everyone who made me feel so loved!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

December 7, 2006

Today is my birthday -
And what did I get?

An Art Card from Amber -
and some money to bet.

Today is my birthday -
So what was received?

Slippers so pink -
They're hard to perceive!

Today is my birthday -
What was to be had?

Season 2 of Magnum PI -
To enjoy with my dad!

Today is my birthday -
And I shall go to the bar...

But don't worry I won't drive
My last gift was a car!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Flatulence forces plane to land

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.
"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Thanks for the article, Ed. Are you trying to tell me something?
Read Article Here

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

29 doth Approacheth...

Oh gawd. Just shoot me.

I'm feeling so haggard.

Let's take a look at what the past birthdays have brought me - shall we?

December 7 - The Day of Tears:

2002 - Age 25 - I got laid off from my first job after college
2003 - Age 26 - My first gray hairs started appearing on top of my head
2004 - Age 27 - My Samurai boyfriend forgot my birthday
2005 - Age 28 - My eyes went and got old and I needed glasses
2006 - Age 29 - I am burnt out at work and need a career change

Well - this Day of Tears has another knotch to add on the bedpost. Next year I will be 30.
30, People. What the heck am I going to do? I haven't even been to Vegas yet! Oh wait, yes I have.
I haven't even been to New Orleans yet!
Guess I know what my goal is for next year.
Heavy sigh.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Seriously. I want this.

$24.99 - Can you beat this price?
Why didn't they have this for my Halloween Party!!!


Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Friday, December 01, 2006

FSM Anyone?

TOPEKA, KS—In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.

"From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design," said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. "This is about protecting the integrity of all creation."
The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment. In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction, battles for survival, or instances of pure happenstance that might lead, after several generations, to a more well-adapted species or subspecies