Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Private 'Special Needs Person'

Alright. I mean Retard.
In all honesty, when I first saw the movie Private Benjamin, I was probably only 8 years old. All I remembered was the boot camp and how they put some blue stuff in the drill sergeant’s shower head. But does anyone remember the last half of the movie? Of course not! Cause it blew goats!

I just saw this movie on WE the other night and thought, "Well, I'll watch it cause I don't quite remember it, and I love Goldie Hawn!"
How dumb was that thought?


The entire basis of humor about some debutant being in the army was how she signed up for 3 years, and couldn’t get out!
So what happens? Not even a year after the best part of the movie (boot camp) she decides to ‘quit’ the army to get married to some loser French guy! Helloooo?

Now, I’m not going to LIST the reasons why this movie could never take place (nail polish, wavy perms, and red underwear - sound like the army?) but what just happened to the plot?! Did I miss something? Who were the writers for this? Because AGAIN, I believe I need to switch careers and become a screenwriter. I mean really, if it’s THAT easy!

I know this movie was no award winner, but why is it still being shown in syndicate? It’s ridiculous! The end of the movie, while you’re waiting for Goldie Hawn to somehow get back INTO the army, she ends up wandering off in a wedding dress down the French countryside!
WHAT????

Private Benjamin has just entered my list of stinkers. Granted, I’m sure no one is surprised.

That and I just heard the dumbest movie quote evar.
I was watching 4 Weddings and a Funeral (cause it was on right before Private Benjamin) and right after Andy McDowell comments on how soaking wet she is from standing in the rain, she says, “Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.”
WHAT?????? What just happened 2 lines before THAT??? Was I the only person who caught that?

Gawd. I need some Academy Award winners/nominees, and FAST. And NO Jerry McGuire!
UGH!!!!

16 comments:

locomocos said...

Wow. I just re-read that and realized I sounded like Annie Bates from Misery....wow....

jason said...

Check out "Good Night, and Good Luck", "Capote", or "Brokeback" from last year. Those were all pretty good. Squid and the Whale is great...one of my favorites. I'm sure you've seen it, but Garden State is awesome. I haven't seen too many great movies recently on dvd, but I have seem some decent ones. Beerfest is kinda funny, but no Super Troopers. The Oh in Ohio is good. Oh yeah, if you haven't seen it: The Aristocrats, Coffee and Cigarettes.

Or, you could be like me and watch The Life Aquatic 50,000 times on cable. I swear it's on everyday, and usually at that time there is nothing better to watch. I still like it every time I see it. Bill Murray should have got an oscar nod for that role.

Anonymous said...

Everything is Illuminated was really good.
I thought at first Jason was saying if you thought Private Benjamin was bad you should see those other three he first mentioned and then I realized he was saying they were good. I found Capote tepid and disappointing, almost pointless. Broke Back was sappy and overhyped and I never finished Good Night, I put it on my list of movies I tried to watch more than twice and fell asleep everytime. Then again, I never finished Lost in Translation for that reason. Maybe I just drink too much....oh another one I like was I Heart Huckabee.

Anonymous said...

` I'm soaking wet and it ain't rainin'!

` BTW, Lou Ryan has cigarettes flying around his head. Should I be concerned?

Anonymous said...

The other reason why that quote at the end of '4 weddings' is so bad is because she says it in a weird high school play way. I remember that line really sticking out to me too because she didn't work it very well and because the rest of the movie (although very long) is pretty good. That funeral always made me cry...yes, I am sappy!!!

I think you have to look at a lot of 80's movies and just kind of realize everyone in Hollywood must have been on major drugs at the time (examples: Howard the Duck, Poltergeist 2) Just saw those and they are horrifically bad..almost in a bad/good way. The idea of her walking out on the frenchman is that she has supposedly decided she is not afraid to be alone. Still shite though!!!
ps
Josh called and I am trying to fit him in soon...just got slammed. Tell him I promise to not wear my blindfold as I throw needles at him. haha.

jason said...

Oh Yeah! I forgot about Huckabee's. That's another movie I've watched over and over and have never gotten tired of. I agree Brokeback was overhyped, but I still think it was a well acted movie (especially Heath Ledger). Amber....you have got to go back and watch Lost in Translation. It pretty much single-handedly launched Bill Murray back into the spotlight....in a good way. I really enjoy the first hour or so, but it wears a little thin after that. It was one that took multiple viewings before I really liked it.

Anonymous said...

Cas... I think you're asking too much if you want a good Goldie Hawn movie. That's like asking for a good Steven Segal movie. It seems like you were setting yourself up to get let down.

I'm not a big fan of 'Huckabees', but I really liked 'Translation'. I've been a big fan of 'the new' Bill Murray ever since 'Rushmore'.

Laura said...

This and That, how can you not like Howard the Duck??? I have that movie memorized word for word. I guess you didn't grow up watching it over and over... his cute little tail waggling (new word... woo hoo). I think you should give it a second shot. Watch it on a week night... commercial free. Pop some popcorn and drink some soda pop to try to take you back to childhood!!!

The only movie I can think of that has been somewhat interesting to me in the past several years is Love Actually. It is a too cute movie.

Anonymous said...

I more than did not like Howard the D(F)uck. I detested it. It makes me cringe to think of how it WAS always on when I was a kid. That duck was a dirty, bad thing.

Anonymous said...

Hey, stop stealing all the SNOW! I miss the snow. Hope you're ok,, and really hope you're still going to make it out here.

thisand that said...

yeah Amber...we are stuck inside. could barely find our cars this morning. ended up with over 4 foot drifts.So we are inside for a couple days. My parents in St. Louis are actually driving out here tomorrow for Xmas. crazy! Plenty of time to enjoy our Comcastic deal!!
Laura, I wholeheartedly agree about 'Love Actually. Much to Caff X's disgust I love that movie. (that and Elf are my PMS feel good movies) But considering I was 17 when Howard the Duck came out, the only way for me to go back to that time and maybe enjoy it would be if someone gave me a whole lot of dope while watching it. Then it would be like I was 17 all over again and maybe I would pass out.

Anonymous said...

Cas, what's up with you guys? They just said on the news that two Interstate highways were shut down in Denver. Of all the places you would expect to be prepared for a large snowfall...

Are you guys stuck?

this and that said...

anyone having trouble signing in to blogger using the new google acct set up? I can't sign in and thus can't post. I enter the username and password, hit enter and nothing happens. any help/advice?

Anonymous said...

finally can get logged on. thought you's have a few posts up by now with not much to do with all this snow. hope you both are staying warm and plowed...take that both ways....

Anonymous said...

Hey Cas. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

NEW POST!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year!

~Jade