Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Report: Never Buy this Windshield Shade

This has got to be the worst design for a windshield shade in the history of shade design. In the immortal words of Adam Sandler in the Seinfeld Game show on Saturday Night Live, “Who were the add wizards who came up with THAT one!”

This shade is a P.O.S.. Do Not, I repeat DO NOT purchase this shade at Target, or anywhere else you may see it.

Reasons the designer of this shade should receive 20 lashings:

1. If you notice the picture, there are 2 circles, representing the 2 sides of the windshield. If you have ever used a windshield shade that folds into a circle, you know that these areas have the plastic bendy wires in them so the shade expands. When the shade expands (or unfolds) the bendy wire keep the circles perfectly formed in your windshield. But please notice what is around the bendy circles. Miscellaneous fabric. Think about this for a moment. Fabric only. What is to keep the fabric in shape? The fabric isn’t memory cloth or anything. It’s just plain old flimsy fabric. So what does this mean? It means the only things keeping this shade’s shape is the 2 bendy circles, and the help of your car visors. This also means that there’s a lot of sunlight coming through your windshield due to the crappy flimsy fabric that isn’t keeping shape.

2. This shade is "easy to fold for easy storage". What a joke. I had to read the instructions 80 times before I finally figured out that "bending it like a taco" wasn’t meant for just once and the shade was down. You have to "bend it like a taco" like 4 times before it snugly fits into it’s small compact "easy" storage size. What a load. Whatever happened to folding it once and PRESTO! It’s the size of a golf ball! I should’ve just gotten those bulky shade you fold like a fan instead! BUT NO! I thought, the smaller, the better. Boy was I in for it.

3. This shade does nothing to keep your car cooler. Despite the ‘holes’ in the shade due to miscellaneous fabric, my old cloth shade I found in the attic repelled the suns rays better! What gives? Just because it’s painted silver on one side means "Repels the suns RAYZ!"? Yeah right. More like it makes my car into an even bigger sauna than it already is!!!

4. The makers of this shade are keeping themselves protected. I purchased this shade at Target, but unfortunately threw the box away. The next time I went, they were either
A. all sold out or
B. not being sold anymore because they’re crap.
I couldn’t even find them online at Target.com! They just don’t want ANYONE to be able to write them a letter! Everything I found on the internet said nothing about the manufacturer. I couldn’t even find out what company owns this shade! Just a bunch of retailers from WindshieldShadesthatreallykeepyourcarcool.com!

So there you have it. To sum up this consumer report: Never buy a windshield shade which resembles the above photo. It’s not worth it. I would rather burn my azz on the vinyl seats with no air conditioner than use this shade. Oh wait, that’s what I’ve been doing all along. I guess I’m no better off, except for my crushed expectations. I guess I’ll have to make my own out of cardboard, a giant picture of an eagle riding a Harley waving the American flag while eating McDonalds, and rubber cement.


Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY which kind you're talking about. One of my carpoolers owns this model and I can't figure out how she refolds it back to its original shape, as if it were a map.

As for myself, I have the old school, cardboard shade with a picture of sunglasses on it. It is still kind of a bitch to fit around the rearview mirror, but it has good coverage.

What used to crack me up when these first came out was the warning label on the back (along with the "Help! Need emergency assistance!" sign that no one would ever pay attention to in a real emergency) that said: "Warning! Do not drive with shade in windshield."


S E E Quine said...

` Ha ha! Duly noted. Yeah, I prefer the 'accordion' type ones, though I've never used any car shade at all - I guess you don't need those in Everett.
` Actually, my car has always been parked facing away from the sun wherever I live. I would instead need a rear window shade that could stand on its own... how come they don't make those?

This and That said...

I have a foil type accordion one I am sure I got at a gas station. It works fine, but if it is on the windshield for long when you take it down you risk serious burns. Love the image for the memory cloth. I think you should just get one of those nipply batman figures to shield your car from the sun. Just don't use it in Capitol Hill near Cheeseman park, it would likely be stolen and used for other purposes...;)

2 Dollar Productions said...

I think that any item with instructions that tell you to "bend it like a taco" should be returned (unless said item is in fact a taco).

Aaron said...

Just make sure the eagle, who is riding the Harley, with the American flag, while eating at McDonalds has his lawyer there with him to sue whoever makes him upset or offended.