Private 'Special Needs Person'

Alright. I mean Retard.
In all honesty, when I first saw the movie Private Benjamin, I was probably only 8 years old. All I remembered was the boot camp and how they put some blue stuff in the drill sergeant’s shower head. But does anyone remember the last half of the movie? Of course not! Cause it blew goats!

I just saw this movie on WE the other night and thought, "Well, I'll watch it cause I don't quite remember it, and I love Goldie Hawn!"
How dumb was that thought?


The entire basis of humor about some debutant being in the army was how she signed up for 3 years, and couldn’t get out!
So what happens? Not even a year after the best part of the movie (boot camp) she decides to ‘quit’ the army to get married to some loser French guy! Helloooo?

Now, I’m not going to LIST the reasons why this movie could never take place (nail polish, wavy perms, and red underwear - sound like the army?) but what just happened to the plot?! Did I miss something? Who were the writers for this? Because AGAIN, I believe I need to switch careers and become a screenwriter. I mean really, if it’s THAT easy!

I know this movie was no award winner, but why is it still being shown in syndicate? It’s ridiculous! The end of the movie, while you’re waiting for Goldie Hawn to somehow get back INTO the army, she ends up wandering off in a wedding dress down the French countryside!
WHAT????

Private Benjamin has just entered my list of stinkers. Granted, I’m sure no one is surprised.

That and I just heard the dumbest movie quote evar.
I was watching 4 Weddings and a Funeral (cause it was on right before Private Benjamin) and right after Andy McDowell comments on how soaking wet she is from standing in the rain, she says, “Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.”
WHAT?????? What just happened 2 lines before THAT??? Was I the only person who caught that?

Gawd. I need some Academy Award winners/nominees, and FAST. And NO Jerry McGuire!
UGH!!!!

Soy is making kids 'gay'

So, I finally found out the equation:
READ THIS AWESOME ARTICLE






Take one baby.......








PLUS







Soy Milk and Soy Products






EQUALS

My friend, Ed.

Happy Birthday Amber!

Bon Anniversaire a Vous!!!

Happy Birthday, Amber!
From Cassie and Brice:


And now, in honor of your birthday, I will post all of my Amber pictures on my computer!










Whoops! How did Fonzie jumping over sharks get in there?Happy Birthday, My Beautiful Friend!
I love you with all my heart!

Comin’ down the Chimney, Down!

So my favorite Christmas song just came on the radio station KOSI 101.1FM, which right around Thanksgiving, started playing Christmas music 24/7.

I like listening to Christmas music cause I can sing along here at work, which doesn’t always work while listening to the ‘modern rock’ station (presumably because I am now an OLD LADY). You’d think I would hate it, as I worked retail for 7 years, and had to listen to it NON STOP. But it’s been a while, and I’m not cured yet….

Hemingway, my favorite song came on, which is Happy Holidays by Andy Williams (#2 on album)

There’s just something about the way he says, “Don’t forget, to hang up your sock!” that makes me boogie in my chair! It makes me get into the holiday spirit and want to watch White Christmas, or Elf!

But lo – what came on right after my holiday tune? “My Favorite Things” by Julie Andrews, from The Sound of Music! Is this a holiday tune? And if so, why? When did this become a Christmas staple? And where in the song does she sing about Christmas OR holidays? She just talks about her favorite things, like friggin’ whiskers on kittens!

Speaking of favorite things, has anyone actually listened to that crappy Christmas song, Santa Baby, by Eartha Kit? That entire song is about some tart who wants her sugar daddy to buy her EXPENSIVE things, like a yacht and a platinum mine! WTF??? Of course she deserves all these things cause she has been a ‘good girl’ which translates into THIS in my book….
Geez that song blowz.

But I was trying to thing of GOOD things while at work, so I created my list of favorite holiday tunes:

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town – Jackson 5
2. The Carol of the Bells – any random choir of boys
3. Happy Holidays – Andy Williams
4. White Christmas – Bing Crosby

And last but not least:
5. Fairytale of New York – The Pogues (Shane MacGowan and Kristy McColl)



What are your favorite tunes?

He Sees you When....

Ho, Ho, Ho! I Saw You Masturbating!

"And it wasn't just once either, my wee friend! Oh, what a naughty, prolific rascal you've been! Ho, ho, ho!"

Post Birthday Post

Thank you all for your happy birthday wishes!
Besides playing around with my camera phone on my b-day, I got:

1. Beerfest from Kurt
2. Slippers, Magnum and A CAR from Josh
3. Dishes from Mom
4. Moolah from Dad
5. Ice Luge from Ed and Paul
6. Free drinks from Gabors
7. Birthday texts from Denny, Leslie, and Sherri
8. Ecards from Amber and Cody
9. Cards from my Aunt Rita, Kaila, Josh and Leslie
10. Birthday kudos from MANY people as seen on myspace and my last post!
11. Measuring cups from Josh's mom
12. Scarf from Euna
13. Ode From Amber
14. Hangover from Kurt, Ed, Paul, Euna and Stacey!

Thank you everyone who made me feel so loved!

December 7, 2006

Today is my birthday -
And what did I get?

An Art Card from Amber -
and some money to bet.

Today is my birthday -
So what was received?

Slippers so pink -
They're hard to perceive!

Today is my birthday -
What was to be had?

Season 2 of Magnum PI -
To enjoy with my dad!

Today is my birthday -
And I shall go to the bar...

But don't worry I won't drive
My last gift was a car!

Flatulence forces plane to land

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.


The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.
"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Thanks for the article, Ed. Are you trying to tell me something?
Read Article Here

29 doth Approacheth...

Oh gawd. Just shoot me.

I'm feeling so haggard.

Let's take a look at what the past birthdays have brought me - shall we?

December 7 - The Day of Tears:

2002 - Age 25 - I got laid off from my first job after college
2003 - Age 26 - My first gray hairs started appearing on top of my head
2004 - Age 27 - My Samurai boyfriend forgot my birthday
2005 - Age 28 - My eyes went and got old and I needed glasses
2006 - Age 29 - I am burnt out at work and need a career change

Well - this Day of Tears has another knotch to add on the bedpost. Next year I will be 30.
30, People. What the heck am I going to do? I haven't even been to Vegas yet! Oh wait, yes I have.
I haven't even been to New Orleans yet!
Guess I know what my goal is for next year.
Heavy sigh.

Seriously. I want this.

$24.99 - Can you beat this price?
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=25303&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=336&iSubCat=562&iProductID=25303
Why didn't they have this for my Halloween Party!!!

GEEZ!!!!

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
SOMEONE BUY THIS FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

FSM Anyone?

Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution

TOPEKA, KS—In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.

"From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design," said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. "This is about protecting the integrity of all creation."
The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment. In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction, battles for survival, or instances of pure happenstance that might lead, after several generations, to a more well-adapted species or subspecies

READ MORE HERE

Anniversary? Whoops!!!

I'm such a bad blogger! I completely forgot my 2 year anniversary!!!
Can you ever forgive me - O Blog Of Mine?
October has come and gone! And November is passing as of tomorrow! where would I be without my beautiful blog to keep me from exploading at work?
O Loco Mocos! or is it Locomocos?
I can't figure out what to call you! 1 name, or 2?
Well, for your belated birthday, I have chosen to purchase a domain name.
Here it is:

http://www.locomocos.net/

I will be working on you diligently - to make you everything you can be!
And just for old times sake - let us review your first month in blogging!

http://locomocos.blogspot.com/2004_10_01_locomocos_archive.html

Don't be afraid! there's not that much there - some of my more cherished stories about the Roller Derby!
And the links work, too!
Bon Anniversaire, Mon Amour, Loco Mocos! (locomocos!)

Don't Forget to Hang Up Yr Sock!

Here it is! what you've all been waiting for!

Click here to view my gift list on WhatToGive.com


I know my name is on all your lists for presents this year! Especially with such a hard birthday coming up next week! Boo!!!

So if you're feeling particularly sorry for me, you can feel free to look at my wish list and purchase something for me!



Or one of the items on the attached picture list would be fine as well.......

Cult of Personality

Cassie Doolittle? That's a common enough name - right?

HowManyOfMe.com

There is: 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Thanks for the link, Laura!!!

Wrathful and Gloomy? Whatev....

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

And So It Begins....

Happy Holidays....

SHOE QUIZ!!!

So I was buzzing around Mental Floss, and found this interesting quiz!

See if you can pick the shoes that go with the wearer!

Here is your list of choices:

1. Elton John

2. Bettie Page

3. Mikhail Baryshnikov

4. Heaven’s Gate cult leader Marshall Applewhite

5. Michael Jordan

6. Louis XIV of France

7. Gregory Hines

8. Jesus Christ

9. Eddie Vedder

10. Adolf Hitler

11. Marie Antoinette

12. Jam Master Jay

13. Gene Simmons

14. Captain Ahab

Pretty easy, but pretty funny!

And for honorable mention of good posts, read THIS ONE for a good laugh!

Yes, Yes, and …. Gasp…. YES!!!

Are you experiencing job burnout?
• Do work activities you once found enjoyable now feel like drudgery?
• Have you become more cynical or bitter about your job, your boss or the company?
• Are non-work relationships (marital, family, friendships) affected by your feelings about work?
Do you find yourself:
• dreading going to work in the morning?
• easily annoyed or irritated by your co-workers?
• envious of individuals who are happy in their work?
• caring less now than you used to about doing a "good job" at work?
Are you:
• regularly experiencing fatigue and low energy levels at your job?
• easily bored with your job?
• depressed on Sunday afternoons thinking about Monday and the coming week?
If you answered yes to five or more of the above, you may be suffering from
job burnout.

Holy Crap. Did anyone ever think they would actually get burned out after only 5 years out of college?

Well friends – after taking this quiz and speaking to my personal psychiatrist (my mom) I have deducted that I AM burned out.

I then asked myself – if I could have any job in the whole world, what would it be?
I’ve thought LONG and HARD on this one. And I have come the conclusion of 2 jobs:

1. Taster at Dreyers
2. Fluffer

Any suggestions for my current state of mind? Short term solutions for my sanity? ANYTHING!!!!!

Tofurkey Anyone?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Lettuce Wraps: Are they Dangerous?

I have been recently addicted to lettuce wraps. Not because they’re really healthy or anything, but I love the yummy dishes created to put into the crisp, cool lettuce. Mostly it’s a meat dish, but there are recipes out there containing veggies only, or tofu. The key is that whatever you put into the lettuce wrap, it needs to be small and spoonable. The smaller, the easier to fill, and easier to wrap with lettuce.

So last night I was too tired to cook, for reasons evident on my picture blog. We decided to order Chinese food. Since we ALWAYS order regular Chinese food, I decided to order from Spicy Basil, which is more of a Thai restaurant. I had such a hard time deciding what I wanted, but I finally narrowed it down to a chicken and veggie lettuce wrap dish.

I was so excited (as per above) to taste the hot meat dish in the cool lettuce wrap. The menu had said, ‘Must Use Hands to Eat this Dish’ – which made me even more giddy. I couldn’t wait! If these wraps were good, that meant I had a new delivery place I could order from on a regular basis! The prices were cheap, selection good, service wonderful; now all that was left was the actual taste test.

As I unpacked my dinner – I noticed it looked a little odd. It looked more like ground turkey than actual chicken. I was skeptical. But that was all blown away as I unwrapped the lettuce, and put a spoonful of delight into it and bit in! It was wonderful! I couldn’t believe how awesome it was! I couldn’t get enough – fast enough!



The only problem – it indeed required hands. And a plate, and roll of paper towels. It was messy! Probably the messiest lettuce wrap in the world! And what did I do? I dripped stuff all over my favorite jeans! D’OH!!!!

As the juice dripped off my fingers and face, I felt like I was in a Carl’s Jr. commercial (Hardee’s for those out east). They had a string of commercials with a sexy girls eating the messiest burger alive – but Hemingway – this was the same thing, but I was eating a lettuce wrap. The only thing, was that in the commercial for Carl’s Jr., the sexy model who wouldn’t normally EAT a ginormous burger like that – didn’t get ANY condiments on HER jeans – or her shirt for the love of Pete! It just got all over the floor! My lettuce wrap got all over BOTH and this morning, I had to put Spray and Wash on my precious jeans, hoping that they won’t be permanently stained.

Cause that would just suck. I hate it when one of your favorite articles of clothing gets ruined. Especially jeans, since I have such a hard time finding a good pair! Even though they only cost $20 – I still think they’re worth more that 1 night of bliss with a lettuce wrap.
I’ll keep you updated after I do laundry tonight. I’m sure everyone’s sitting on the edge of their seats!

The Picard Song (Star Trek Meets The Sims 2)

I just like the song - I could do without the Sims part. Plus I'm feeling really lazy today. I feel like my will has been zapped by the aliens of Talos IV.

Wednesday Morning Funny

I believe this is me.....
I ate ALL of the pie Kurt made for the Halloween party.....

Report: Sci-Fi Fantasy Movie seen as kid did not withstand the test of time.

This is not a new report. In fact, many of you have expressed the same sentiments regarding TV shows, cartoons, and old board games. This report is to reiterate the general consensus that you should never re-visit old movies, shows, etc you thought were really cool when you were 8 and try to watch them 20 years later.

Although I knew this from the Knight Rider viewing on USA in 1999, I was flipping through the channels at 2:30 am while drinking some 90 Shilling and Krull came on. I have recently deducted that is was the 90 Shilling that made me think, “Cool! Krull! Ooo! I can’t wait to watch this again! I haven’t seen it in years and it was AWESOME!”

Well friends, as most of you who have seen Krull – you would think the 90 Shilling might actually IMPROVE the movie if you aren’t 8 years old – but on second thought – even if you were 8 years old now – you’d probably think it was a stupid movie.

The tagline of Krull:
From the sky will come the Black Fortress. From the Fortress will come the Slayers to devour the planet of Krull. Then shall a girl of ancient name become queen...she shall choose a king...and together they shall rule the planet. And their son shall rule the galaxy.

Sounds pretty good so far? Just wait…

The synopsis of Krull:
A princess gets kidnapped by some weird alien things who’s leader wants to marry her. Her fiancé finds the ultimate weapon – a crazy medieval ninja star – and together with a Cyclops, a guy that turns into a duck, and Liam Neeson, he goes to rescue the princess and save the planet of Krull.

They lycra is flying in this 1983 epic journey of a Prince, his buddies, and some hot chick running away from laser beams! It really makes me want to re-evaluate (NOT re-watch) Dragonslayer, Beastmaster, and Red Sonja.

But alas – I will stick to my guns and fondly remember them from 1985 as being some of the best adventure movies ever created!!!! And PLEASE – never stop on TBS, USA or WGN at 2:30 in the morning while drinking. You WILL regret it!

well
- i'm trying to upload some more hilarious pictures, but they'll have to wait until blogger can get it's shit together....i'll put them up later....

Kirstie is Cuttin' some Mustard

So Kirstie Alley sure is shedding some pounds on Jenny Craig!
Good for her!
Going from this:

To this:

Is pretty good! She's lost 75 lbs so far!

I still don't know if I'd wear a bikini on Oprah - but if I was going to do it on any show - it would be that one!

I do think it's amazing that she looked great and continued to work even though she gained tons of weight. They gave her so much shit - AND Janet Jackson - about gaining weight. My first instinct is to say, "Srew You Society!" but hey - it wasn't like they only gained 15 lbs and the media was screaming - they were seriously overweight (well, to be honest, I don't know how much Janet weighed, they just gave her a lot of crap)!

SO: Good for you, Kristie! You look fabulous! Keep it up!

It's so crappy that society dictates what women 'should' look like. Did you know that the media thought Kate Winslet was heavy in Titanic? She was a size 6!

And right around the same time - people said Drew Barrymore was keeping on some baby fat with her new string of movies in 1998 at a size 8!

For us women, we know that's crazy. But for you guys, the average size in Hollywood at that time was a size 2. The average size in Hollywood now? Size 0. What kind of guy likes women who are the size of small pubescent young boys? Apparently TONS.
So - before you start telling me that Kiera Knightly has the most perfect body (for an 11 year old boy with big lips) you can suck my big white buttocks. The average size for an American woman now is size 10-12 and a height of 5'4. I'm not saying this is where women SHOULD be - but it's where they ARE.

Now, the last thing I would want to do is fantacize about a skeleton in a bag. But hey - That's just me.
I will end this rant with another kudos to all those 'healthy' actresses out there. Thanks for showing the rest of us ladies that it IS okay to be comfortable weighing that ginormous amount of 120lbs - as opposed to 85!

End Rant. Go back to your activities.

Peace Corps 101

So I’ve decided to keep a record of all my dealings with The Peace Corps.
Yesterday I had a meeting at the Denver regional office with Clara. Clara was really helpful in describing the application process and give me a heads up on what to expect during this time.
I’m hoping to get my completed application out by this week. I still need to fill in some big hairy details, like financial obligations, motivation essays, etc. I’m currently looking for some good applicants for references. The fun thing about citing references for The Peace Corps – is they will actually call you, and ask questions about me. So I am hesitant to put down say someone I partied with last week – as they MIGHT divulge some information not too palatable to the recruiter! Hahaha!

The process looks like this:
Step 1: Online application
Wait around 1 week after submittal
Step 2: PC office will send me an additional Background Check packet
This will include getting a police report, finger printing and any other governmental reports about me. I can’t wait to see what they got! CAUSE THEY GOT NUTHIN’ MAN!!!!
Wait around 1 week after submittal
Step 3: PC office will send me an additional Medical History packet
I will need to get a physical, eye exam, dental exam, etc so they know if I need a root canal vs. knocking out one of my teeth with an ice skate! Yikes!!!
Wait about 1 week after submittal
Step 4: PC office will send out a Financial Responsibility packet
This is to make sure that I’ve filled out all forms and taken care of any debt I owe during my 2 years of service – i.e. defer my student loans, take care of all credit debtors, or sign over any mortgages I have (which luckily, I don’t)
Wait 1 week after submittal
Step 5: Waiting
At this point, the PC office will send in a request for placement to Washington. All my info will then sent and reviewed by the head honchos at the Washington DC Peace Corps office.
This will take anywhere from 2-5 months
Step 6: I will receive an ‘invitation’ to accept an assignment at a certain date (say I receive an invitation in May for a program that starts in August). If I accept the assignment, I will then be ready to go ASAP!!!

Then it’s off to training for 3 months, and then afterwards, I begin the 24 month service in my chosen country!
Hooray!

Sound good?
Well – looks like first thing is first. I had better get my application is so I can start this year long process!

p.s. I've been trying to post pics - but once again, my network admin lady is messing with the computers! blech!!!!

Rock the What?

I voted last night. It took 2.5 hours in line. I woke up this morning, and half the shit I voted for (or against) didn't pass. Voting blows. The last time I voted, Bush was re-elected and Colorado became a non-smoking state. This round Colorado has banned gay marriage, and rejected gay benefits.

Well, at least I can legally enjoy this joint I've just rolled. Whew. I was really stressing THAT one......

Dreams

Kurt just sent me an email saying that his boss told him he would 'get the gold star' for the day for diffusing some situation at work (he is a TSA airport screener). But where is this star? Did his boss ever follow through with this boast?
Is there a pay raise involved? No?
Well, in honor of Kurt 'Taking Control of the Situation' and 'Not Narcing out his Teammates' at work, I have created this award for him. Good Job, Kurt! I am proud of you! Especially since we are destined to go into a hollywood partnership soon!

Why do you ask?
Well -
I had a Dream!
What kind of dream? Well, a couple nights ago, I dreamt about Kurt. And what a profitable dream it was. More like premonition, really.
My dream broke down like this:
I paid Kurt in beer to finish an assignment for me. I had to write a 31 page short story for school, and I didn't want to do it - so I paid Kurt to do it! So what happens? The story is a hit and people want to publish it, and they want to interview me (the author) on TV and stuff! So it turned into this weird Cyrano De Bergerac thing....
The story was an adventure swashbuckling story - like Treasure Island.
And then since 'I' was famous for the book - Kurt then used my new status of fame to introduce a new perfume he had created called Jennifer An Ass-ton - for 'bigger' girls. It was a hit, too. We were rolling in the dough. Kurt as the ideas man, me as the public figure/sales person. You know, like Madonna and her songwriter.
I think this dream was not so much as a dream, but a look into the future. A premonition.

People - this has everything to do with that fortune cookie I found in 1994!!!
Soon you will get the recognition you deserve!
It's about fucking time!
Soon - I will be on a gravy train with biscut wheels!
JUST YOU WAIT!

oh yeah - Kurt too.....

Wookin' Po Nub...

Oh Paul.

Where ever do you get such funny emails!

Hello my Cool and Clever Congregation of Calamity,

It seems that our church leaders just can't keep their hand out of the cookie and amphetamine jars these days. Evangelical leader Reverend Ted Haggard of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, has been caught paying for gay sex and buying drugs.

What a scandal! Nobody should ever have to PAY for sex. That's why I've set up "Nuclia Waste's Evangelical FREE Dating Service."

A website is worth a thousand words. So click on over to my new website and sign up today!

http://www.nucliawaste.com/freedatingservice.html

Hey Ladies! Get Your Vote On!

Hello All!
Thank you, Paul, for sending me this website!

http://www.thewhitehouseproject.org/
I'm in love with it, now!
If any of you know of any other ladies, gentlemen, and transgendered folk, feel free to pass this site along!

Heck Yesss!

Heck Yesss!
Originally uploaded by locomocos.

Alright Ghosties!
Time to take a look at my Spooktacular Halloween Gallery on Flickr!

Enjoy and feel free to make comments!

I have tons more, but alas, I can only upload so many on my FREE Flickr account each month! Boo!

Please Standby....

I am currently trying to upload photos from Vegas and my Spooktacular Soiree.
Please check back currently, as I am having technical difficulties.

Thank You.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

"Alright you freshman bitches! You had better come to Cassie's party, or you will have to ride the Carousel!"

Happy Halloween Partying this weekend!!!!

Friday Math Problem

PLUS



EQUAL