Boo

Most of you know how much i scorn doctors. Most of you know exactly where i think they should put their "high demand short supply" flu shots.
Well, i gracefully accept defeat this year, as i have succumbed to the dreaded Q Virus.
Okay, okay. I mean flu virus.
I am at home today, which means i will have all the time in the world to read you blogs, buy things on ebay, and examine Josh's file aptly named 'file'. i can only assume this is his MAN file - but i won't go any further than that.
Yes, i will sit on my couch watching daytime TV, eating bon bons, and enjoying the good life - until i take that Nyquil. Nyquil to dull the pain of my throat, head, nose, and body. It will peacefully put me to sleep so i will hurt no more. Peacefully? More like knocked down by a train. How did that comedian once describe it?
The Nighttime
Sniffling
Sneezing
Sore throat
Coughing
Aching
How the hell did i get on my kitchen floor medicine.

wish me luck - and let's hope i get better by tomorrow. i don't have any sick days left!

I have been touched by His Noodly Appendage

I first heard about this on Planetdan, and I'm sure I've forwarded most of you this site. But while looking for the t-shirt company you can purchase these AWESOME collectables at, i failed to realize how popular the religion has become!



Needless to say, I absolutely LOVE this site, and am in the process of ordering a coffee mug. Don't be suprised if you find a mug in your stocking this year from me, a devout FSM pastafarian.

'Tis the Season

This is the time of year when many people are setting up Christmas decorations, celebrating XMas, and eating ridiculous amounts of food. But what about those of us who are different? What about those of us who practice a different religion? What's out there we can turn to since we are so jaded by society and shopping?


Not to worry.
Festuvus - A Holiday for the Rest of Us.


What is Festivus?
Who celebrates
it?
Didn't Cassie send me an ecard
last year?

Yes my friends, let us gather around the pole this year, air our grievences, and eat comfort food. But no tinsel. It's distracting.

Gluttony

Sinopsis
What it is: Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Why you do it: Because you were weaned improperly as an infant.
Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be force-fed rats, toads, and snakes.
Associated symbols & suchlike: Gluttony is linked with the pig and the color orange.


Yes. America is indeed, Glutinous.

My holiday weekend consisted of going to Josh’s parents’ house and my own “family’s” gathering, at Ed’s in FOCO.
2 THANKSGIVINGS!!! I ATE SO MUCH FOOD!!!!

It started out on Thursday by me making a green bean casserole for the green bean deficient Thanksgiving meal at Josh’s parent’s house. Unfortunately, his cousin showed up with the same side dish.
Why did I even ASK his mom what I should bring, if it was a free-for-all to begin with? I mean, I about fell over when I found out GBC wasn’t going to be at the table, but I really wanted to try out this pumpkin soup recipe I saw on The Food Network. If I had know that EVERYONE wanted to bring GBC, I would’ve done that instead.
BUT ALAS.
Even though his cousin’s dish was in a pretty dish, and LOOKED similar to mine – OF COURSE – mine was better. I mean, who likes soupy GBC? She had added extra milk, cream of CHICKEN, and I think she even said butter.
Mine was just like it said in the directions, except I take out the milk and add my SECRET INGREDIENT: EXTRA French Fried Onions.

I know. Crazy, huh? I really go all out –

Which is why I was so bummed that they didn’t pass MY dish around. But then I realized, the less people eat MY dish, the more leftovers we have at home! HOORAY!!! The dish itself sat on a side table behind Josh, and next to his parents – so it only makes sense that his mom and dad were the only people to partake in all of GBC fresh, crunchy glory. Bless his dad’s heart, he even got seconds!
But if you noticed that I didn’t mention Josh eating it – you were correct.
He did not eat ANY of his girlfriend’s dish at his family’s dinner.

Am I loco here? As my mom said, isn’t that in Boyfriend Rules 101? You ALWAYS eat your girlfriend’s dish and then exclaim, “That was the BEST GBC in the WHOLE WORLD!!!!” – right?

Well, it didn’t happen for me on my first Thanksgiving with Josh. Apparently after repeatedly asking him to try it, he informed me that he was too full eating everyone else’s dishes.

I guess he made up for it by accompanying me to Ed’s house for Thanksgiving on Saturday, where we met the most wonderful grandma in the world: Ed’s smoking, cussing, and drinking granny. She was wonderful. She was so funny and didn’t know what was going on half of the time. I just loved her. Ed’s family always makes me feel good about my own family. I just mean that I feel glad that I’m not the only one who has ‘interesting’ family members – if you know what I mean. I won’t go into it, but a proper mother and father, drunk granny, gay son, fundamentalist Christian son and daughter-in-law, and a crazy 8 year old who throws insane temper tantrums makes me feel like I fit in just fine.

Ahh…..
I can’t wait for Christmas!

Satan Van

So i was driving to work today, when i saw a SATAN RULZ chevy van. It looked a little bit like this:

I have added the appropriate impliments to give you an idea of how Satanic this van was. Decorated to the max with assorted stickers.

I know. You don't have to say it.

I got the skillz to pay the billz!!!

I don't know why it made me laugh so much. I guess Satanist have upgraded their tastes in vans from circa 1970s wizards to a little more class....
Rock on Dude

Did I just take the blue pill, or the red pill?

HELL YEEEEAH!!! BYOCHES!!!!!

Read it and WEEP!!!!!

Thanks Josh! Good thing i have a boyfriend who thinks my ideas RAWK!

.......and works at a t-shirt place.

Ode to Easy Mac

I’m sure everyone has had Kraft Easy Mac. If you haven’t, you are really missing out. This is a WONDERFUL product! It comes in a little snack packet, that is perfect size for lunch or a snack. All you do is add water and pop it into the microwave for 4 minutes! Seriously! Why haven’t they thought of this before? I love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese dinner anyway – but I don’t like eating leftovers. Blech. So the perfect solution to that age old problem, “I want fresh Kraft Macaroni and Cheese while I’m at work (or at home) but I can’t cook it. What is to be done?”
Well, the old answer was either bring a small container of leftovers from last night, or suffer. Personally, I would choose the latter – but now I don’t have to! I get the perfect portion, fresh, and fast!!




What you didn’t know about this wonderful invention, is that if you’re still hungry or the portion isn’t big enough – there’s directions on the package of how to cook 2 packages at 1ce!!! Now personally, this is a bit too much for me. If I’m feeling a little extra hungry, I eat a side salad (usually $1 from Wendy’s) or I even bring a can of tuna, to make tuna-mac! As I understand, a few of you (a-ron) like to put peas and sausages in the mac, too. You know, those are items easily bagged and brought with you There are endless possibilities for Easy Mac!




I think the best thing I like about Easy Mac, is of course the short time it takes to make, and that there are only 3 steps – which hardly constitutes as cooking.


1. Empty contents into bowl
2. Add Water
3. Heat

Voila!
The easiest, cheesiest schnack on this side of the Equator!

Just look at this guy -------------------->
He is so in love with Easy Mac, he can't even WAIT 4 minutes!!!!

But cereally – if there is another quick and easy cheesy meal, feel free to let me know about it! I’m always game to finding a quick and easy snack! Especially one that tastes so good.

This could be mine.....

So since my unfortunate let-down of the prospective job in KC, i have had to make some hard choices.

Basically, with encouragement from A-ron and my mom, i have decided to go back to school for my masters degree. I would like to combine getting my masters with spending some time with The Peace Corps. Everyone reading has probably heard me speak of The Peace Corps since i got out of school, but now i think i'm ready to do it.

I had a 5 year plan when i got out of CSU. In 5 years, i wanted to have enough experience under my belt to start my own landscaping company. The interview i recently went on showed me that i have what it takes to do this. But my restlessness wasn't consoled by this discovery. i realized that while i have the time, initiative as well as the experience needed for when i come back, i need to make things happen instead of just talking about them.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying. That's goddamned right."

So i have set in motion for finding out more about the Peace Corps International Masters Program. As it turns out, one of the only places to get this masters in Agriculture is - you guessed it - CSU. Looks like if i get acceppted to this program, i'll be right back up at The Fort where i fought so long and hard to get out of. At least i'll get in-state tuition!

I don't anticipate even starting until Fall 2006 semester. i have to pull up my GPA and apply at least 6 months in advance. i've definatley got some work ahead of me. I will do 1 year of classes at CSU, and 1 year of field work. Sounds like fun - even when i think about living in a hut and wiping my ass with a rock.

Wish me luck!

I don't think this quiz is accurate...

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk! You'll take any shot that's offered up to you... Even if it tastes like sock sweat! And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

What alcoholic drink are you?

Let's get serious for just a moment

So as most of you know, I went on an interview last Friday. Since I was in town, Amber came in from St. Louis and A-ron came in from Gladstone to come hang out with little ole me – in order to find out how my interview went.

Well, the interview went fine.
The company was great.
The perspective boss was great.
The issues were thus:

The owner was not nice. To translate, I mean he was kinda jerky, and his office would be right next to my design areas
I interview with a guy named Frank who turned out to be a friggin’ psychologist who asked me ‘What is your favorite tool?’ and ‘What do you have to say about the font you used on your resume?’. They didn’t tell me he was a shrink, and they also didn’t tell me why I needed to take an aptitude test after already completing 3 personality tests before I flew out there. He also concluded that I identified more with my mother than my father, and that I was in the right field of work. WOW. That’s a doosey. Especially since he only talked with me for an hour. Good thing he can read people so well.
They didn’t talk money. Katherine said this is usually normal, and Don agreed that they will probably discuss this over email if they are interested.

I found it all very odd, and very disappointing. I aced this interview. Too bad the company is weirdo. I think if they really liked me, they would’ve offered me something while I was there. My mom thinks they want a Johnson County girl who is blonde, 100 lbs and doesn’t have an email address with a muppet name at an all grrl magazine.

Okay. So maybe next job I apply at, I will get a gmail account. But C’MON!!!! I’m in the landscaping business people!!! They asked how many tons of rock I could move in an hour, and when I asked them if they meant now, or back when I was in the field, they didn’t even crack a smile!!!!

I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed. I built this up so much, but as it turns out, I don’t think I can work for a stuffy corporation. That’s why I went into landscaping to begin with. I relate better with people who aren’t necessarily so PC, people who curse, and people who go to the girlie bars after the company softball game!!!

I’ll bring it down a notch, and pull a Jerry Springer -
Moment of Reflection:
I’m completely confident in my abilities to accept this job. I wasn’t stretching ANY of my qualifications. I am actually a good catch when it comes to perspective employers. Maybe this interview gave me the well needed confidence boost to realize that I DO have what it takes to get flown to a city for a job interview. I DO have a great personality that shines under pressure. I DON’T want to fit a mold, and I LIKE the type of person I am. Any company would be GLAD to have me.


Thank you BT for wanting me to move in with you and letting me crash your hot tub party. Thank you Katherine, Tom and Don for making me understand how bigger corporations execute job interviews, and that I’m not crazy. Thank you Amber and A-ron for making me feel tons better about my situation – and I’m happy you don’t want me to give up and keep applying for jobs in your area. Especially thank you to my mom and dad who never doubted me for a second. (especially thank you mom for making me the layered pumpkin cake so I’d feel better).

And now – I will concentrate my work and quit fucking around!
;D

A Holiday? For ME?

This can't be just shagging.
A mini-break means true love.
Suddenly feel like screen goddess - in manner of Grace Kelly.
Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure.

So I am going to KC this weekend, as most of you already know! I am being flown out to check out a certain landscape company that possibly wants to hire me! Hooray!!!

The assorted friends and family I have talked to have said that if the company is flying me out for an interview, it is a good sign that they are really interested. In fact, I have been told that short of an episode of How I got into College when that girl took off her blouse during her interview - it’s almost in the bag. (cross your fingers i don't do that, guys!)

So why am I still nervous as hell? I mean, I know my business, I don’t necessarily NEED this job, and I’m not even sure if they’re going to offer me the same as what I’m making. But I’m busting my butt to get my portfolio up to par, and I’ve already determined what I’m going to wear – but I have NO idea what I’m going to say!!!

Typical interview questions:

1. What is your greatest strength?
2. What is your greatest weakness?
3. Where do YOU want to be 5 years from now?
4. What salary are you seeking?
5. Tell us about yourself.
6. How do YOU handle stress?”
7. How do you deal with difficult people?

I’m dead people. Dead.
I just know I’m going to go Bridget Jones on their ass and let whatever is in my head come out of my mouth – like WORD VOMIT!!!!! Then I’m going to talk too much about something stupid, or they will ask me something and I keep repeating myself.

I am HORRIBLE at interviews. Just horrible.
Any suggestions?

I think it's the boobs...

What Anime Vampire Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

My baby don't care for shows....

So i was just minding my own business yesterday, when out of NO WHERE - Josh decides to buy me a present. And what present would Josh possibly think to give me? You got it! The Magic Bullet!!!
An item i would never ever buy off TV, but have been wanting for over a year! i mean, you can make delicious chocolate mouse in 30 SECONDS!!!!!

I'm so excited to try out my Magic Bullet! i can make all sorts of yummies that took so much longer before this amazing appliance!!!

Actually, i love infomercials. Especially late at night, when i get home from the bar. That's when they're most effective.
Do you ever watch them, or even those As Seen On TV commercials that make day to day functions look SO HARD if you don't have their product?

For instance:
Topsy Tail - it's a ponytail maker. you didn't think pony tails were hard, right? well did you see how tough it was to make on the commercial? Those people kept messing up their hair and wearing out their arms because it took them like 4 HOURS to do!!!

Ab Roller - did you SEE how hard it was to do ACTUAL sit ups? How have we been doing it with out help? i mean you can do 5 and you're pooped!!!

And that Handy Chef - it's a spatual/tong concoction that allows you to GRAB your food! did you see all those eggs people were dropping on the commercial cause they didn't have that top tong? Geez. Poor breakfast! What are we going to do?

I guess i really like their faces when they are TRYING to function the 'OLD' way! it's just so HARD!!! and then they get frustrated and start pouting - on TV!!!! hahaha!!!

Now - as you will remember, The George Foreman Grill started out as an infomercial - now it's in 1 in 5 houses in America!

Wow. Maybe the Magic Bullet will be next.

OCD = No Wire Hangars

Just kidding. That was just crazy Joan Crawford!

Hemingway, i was watching The Aviator a couple days ago, and if you've never seen it, DO! It's a great movie! I had no idea Howard Hughes was such a weirdo! It got me thinking about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Now, i've always thought i had a little bit of this inside me, but it's NOTHING compared to what this disorder is really all about. I guess i used to think extreme cases were bizarre, yet not so bad. i mean, i love the show Monk, and i always thought if you just controlled it a little, it wasn't a big deal. But The Aviator showed me that ESPECIALLY in extreme cases, it is a very very scarry disorder.

i don't know how these people live day to day, and what they do if they don't have any money/income! they can barely leave the house! Yikes!

I mean, that crappy movie with Jack Nicholson did NOTHING to show you how bad this disorder can really be:

"Hughes became addicted to codeine (injections), valium, and other painkillers, was extremely frail, stored his urine in jars and wore Kleenex boxes as shoes (although it has been reported that Hughes did this only once, as "protection" when a toilet flooded). He insisted on using paper towels to cover any object before he touched it, to insulate himself from germs.
As he deteriorated, Hughes moved to the Bahamas, Vancouver, London, and several other places, always living in the top floor penthouse with the windows blacked out. Every time he moved out, the hotel seemed to need to remodel to clean up after him.
Hughes died on an aircraft en route from his penthouse in Mexico to Methodist Hospital in Houston on April 5, 1976, at the age of 70. He was unrecognizable, and the FBI insisted on fingerprints to identify Hughes' remains. The autopsy determined kidney failure as the cause of death. His body was in extremely poor condition; X-rays showed broken off hypodermic needles in his arms."

Can you imagine living like that?
Geez.
And i thought my family was anal about how to load the dishwasher properly!

I heart Mean Girls

Janice Ian


Which Mean Girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


That movie is so f-ing funny! i watched it 3 times this weekend with Ed and Paul! hee hee!!!

By the way, i absoultely LOVE Quizilla! How fun! i could stay on there for HOURS!!!!

A Long Time Ago.....

In a galaxy far, far.....
HEY wait a MINUTE!!!! That looks like LA!!!