Halloween

So we (the gang and i) have been contemplating on what we should do for Halloween this year. i know it's early, but i need time to create something spectacular.

Now as you know, last year i went as Leela from Futurama. THIS year - depending on if this will be a group costume - i have been urged to go as one of two people.

Ruby Rod (aka Chris Tucker) from The Fifth Element (group costume)

Or Jackee Harry from 227 (going by myself - but who would recognize me! haha!!! Who cares):

The reason for both of these is that for some reason, i can do their voices really well. (really really well after i've been drinking a couple hours....)

I don't think Jackee would be hard. Just get some obnoxious '80's outfit from the thrift store with bad jewelry and a big wig, but i'm challenged on how i should create Ruby Rod's charachter, if we were to do the group costume. i mean, how do i create a half - blown up costume with that hairdo on top!!! Paul thinks i should use a roll of toilet paper. Rhiannon thinks chicken wire. i just don't know. plus i'd have to lose a lot of weight to fit into that spandex contraption!!!

But i must say, i really like those boots!!!

Because i love you both.....

This is straight from Planetdan:


This is for A-ron:

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/tetka.html


And this is for Ambo:

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

you can move them with your mouse!!
Fun Fun Fun!!!

I am not alone.

CAB

The Dude, in the back seat of a taxicab that rocks and squeaks with every bump, is gingerly touching at sore spots on his face and scalp.

"Peaceful Easy Feeling" is on the radio.

DUDE'S POVThe back of the driver, a large black man with rasta dreds under a knit cap.

DUDE Jesus, man, can you change the station?

DRIVER Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab!

DUDE I've had a--

DRIVER I pull over and kick your ass out, man!

DUDE --had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man--

DRIVER That's it! Outta this fucking cab!



So what's the big deal with the Eagles, man?
My co-worker was listening to her crappy pop station that plays anything from The Ramones to Neil Diamond. They are listing the top 50 albums of all time this week (yikes...i would hate to see THAT list) and my co-worker actually starts singing.....
So of course i ask her what the fuck is she doing, and of course she replies with 'singing along to the greatest band ever'.
Wha?????
The who?????

FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!
I prefer Jethro Tull (an as A-ron knows, i hate them too) over the fucking Eagles!!! i mean, at least that Jethro Tull guy has an excuse and did alot of magic mushrooms at the renaissance festival, which led him to believe that the flute was an intregal part of a rock band - but The Eagles??? All of their songs sound the same!!

I just don't get it. There were plenty of other bands that came out in the 70's with a better sound, and more creativity than The fucking Eagles (which is how i ALWAYS refer to them...never without their middle name....)!!!
Yes. i will admit, i didn't care much for the decade of the Swaggering Sounds of the Seventies - but around '76 some really awesome sounds started to emerge from the punk, rock and new wave venues!!! you can't say ALL of that decade was crap!! And let's not forget the good rockers of the 60's were still going strong like Led Zepplin, The Who, Fleetwood Mac and Pink Floyd (i know i'm leaving some out, but i don't have ALL day). But everything else was CRAP (as if it weren't scottish or something!!!).

But i digest. i just don't understand people's music tastes. i mean seriously. How could anyone think the fucking Eagles were the best band ever?

Quiz Time!!!

My aunt sent me this quiz.

http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html

It's pretty fun. I got a 53% Dixie. I'm right on the Mason Dixon Line.

Of course, I had to look up the Mason Dixon Line

http://www.infoplease.com/ce6/us/A0832111.html

For some reason the Civil War is fascinating to me. Not like those people that reenact the battles, but it's mind boggling to think that people literally went 'brother against brother' just for a silly war. Did you know that the slavery issue was widely debated in the south, and that most people were against it?

Also, I watched that movie Cold Mountain last night. I highly recommend it. You get to see Jude Law's ass - Nuff said.
Oh, and that it was really good.

I finally got my plane ticket.
Hell yeah, bitches!!!!

why do sequels over-do it? WHY?? My SECOND Movie Review: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

So i love Bridget Jones's Diary. I loved the book, i loved the movie, i love Bridget.

Think about it, people. Why do i love her? She drinks, she smokes, she's constantly trying to lose weight, and has a horrible love life.

Helen Fielding wrote that part for me.

seriously.

So why did they have to go make the sequel crap?
Let's see, shall we??
1. Just because part of it takes place in Thailand - it's supposed to be better? Sheeaa!! Rrright!!!

2. In the first Bridget Jones, we all fell in love with her because she did completely ridiculous things that could happen to ANYONE (although i think Fielding had been talking to some of my friends......especially when she falls out of the taxi....)! In the sequel, she does and says stuff that is completely ludicrous! NOT even believable that she would behave so poorly!!!! I mean, we didn't fall in love with Bridget Jones the Bimbo!!! We BELIEVED that you could stick your foot in your mouth and still be an intelligent professional woman!!! But NO. Not in this one. Apparently she's turned into a list of dumb, 'fat' jokes.

3. And the fat. Now we all know Renee Zellweger had to put on some pounds for the first movie. We also know that she looked fabulous as a *real* person weighing in at an average of 135 lbs. We also know that Vogue wouldn't let her be the cover model until she 'lost' her Bridget weight, because apparently Vogue doesn't think non-model types are beautiful enough for their magazine, nor do we even exist in the world (needless to say, i haven't bought a Vogue mag since....). So what's up with this second movie? Did they make Renee gain a shit-ton of DONUT weight? I mean, she's sporting a double chin most of the time!!! She's by no means FAT (which they keep referring to her in the film) but they overdid something this time!!! She's definitely not as cute as in the last film. She looks like she's aged 10 years instead of '6 weeks' as is the time frame between stories. it begins to be hard to believe that Daniel Cleever AND Mark Darcy think she's gorgeous, seeing as how this other heavy actor points it out in the beginning scene where she's wearing a HORRIBLE evening gown.

4. Who the heck was the costume designer in this film? Yes, Bridget Jones always dressed a little 'poorly' in the last film, but she still had style and professionalism (except for that see through top - which was necessary at the time of flirtation). In The Edge of Reason whomever is dressing up Renee has vendetta against pale, big boobed, 'normal' sized blonds!!! She continues to dress her in pastels which make her look so washed out she's unhealthy, and EVERY top she wear they use a wonder bra to push her boobs out as if you didn't notice them already!!! When did Bridget turn into a skanky dresser? In the missing 6 weeks of dating Mark Darcy?

Needless to say, i was very disappointed with Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason. I give it a 2 out of 5
*****

Dont' get me wrong. i LOVED Bridget Jones's Diary SO much, i made everyone i know watch it. We've even had Bridget Jones nights went my urban family come over, sit in our pjs, watch the movie, drink mass quantities of Vodka and listen to Chaka Khan!!!

Obviously, you're not a golfer.....

This morning, for some reason, i feel like this:

I know it's Friday, but i just want to hang out in my bathrobe, and write a check to purchase half and half at Ralph's.

Does that make sense?

yours-

Duder

mmmm.....chipotle......

My burrito has 46g of fat, and
1054 calories. How about yours?

Actually, that's alot of calories. Click on that site to see just how many calories EVERYTHING is at Chipotle!!

So i came across this picture as i was searching for some info on Chipotle.com!

Pretty funny!! That baby is so TEENY!!!! Her parents must really like these burritos, if after the wife delieverd her baby the first thing she asked for was a Chipotle burrito....

I wonder what's in it!

mmm.....

i think i'm just really hungry!

hello. my name is Cassie......and I'm a D-aholic!!!

Friends -

It's true.
I, yes I am obsessed with Tenacious D.
i watch the collected masterpeices over and over when i'm home alone. i know all the songs (including the ones not on the CD!), and all the espisodes by heart. I am ...... like Lee.
But they haven't written a song about me yet.

http://www.tenaciousd.com/

now. As we analyze this site, please take note of the photographer, Joe B***.
Friends, this man is actually in the Complete Masterworks DVD which i own. You know what's even more scary? is that when i was going to school at CSU, my roommate and i used to go to this bar with dollar wells for the ladies on Thursdays. So we were haning out and this really wierd 80's dude starts hitting on her and buying us drinks (she was a blonde bostonian with sorority girl looks and the mouth and attitude of a swarthy sailor! she is AWESOME!!!) anyways - sorry.
So this long haired guy wearing a bad multi colored button up silk shirt from 1992 is all into my roomie (who has a boyfriend) and since i'm with her, I'm drinking for free! (of course it's only a dollar....but it's the principle!!!). Well, this guy has a buddy he's out with who is this big blond guy with a viking hat on. As we start talking, we are both completely uninterrested, but the more we chat he starts laughing all over the place! he repeatedly was saying things like, 'WOW!!! i didn't know you were so cool!!!'. Which at the time i was thinking - 'No shit asshole! i'm not some college bimbo you can score with tonight!'

To make a long story short, he actually turned out to be a nice guy and i ended up wearing the viking hat with HORNS all evening and probably drinking $20 worth of drinks!

He was touring as a roadie with 3-11 (which when the two guys told me and my roomie that when they first came over, we pretended like we only listened to country music and had never heard of them) and was only in town for the next couple of evenings. Right?

So here's where the psycho part comes in (you didn't think there wasn't going to be one - did you?)
My roomie gave him our digits - don't ask me why - so the dude was calling me for like 3 weeks, 5 times a day (i'm NOT exaggerating) leaving messages, email addresses, statements of devotion, etc. He was saying things like he wanted me to come visit him at his house in Seattle, and blah blah blah......
well, you know how that ended.
Remember that scene in Swingers when he's calling that girl's answering machine repeatedly? You know when she finally answers? It was like that.

"Joe? Never call me again."

So when i saw him on my D dvd, i about peed my pants! i kept rewinding it, and laughing. i ended up emailing my old roomie in Boston and she quickly rehashed the whole evening (she LOVED the viking hat) and the phone dodging sessions. CLASSIC. To think - that if i had stayed friends with that psycho, i might actually be six degrees of separation from JACK BLACK!!!

Ahhhh......what a dream boat!!!

Where was i?

Oh yeah. I'm obsessed with Tenacious D.

here's another website, incase you're obsessed too. it's really good and has alot of pics from the HBO series!!!!

http://www.tenaciousjoes.com/

Alright, hosers!!!

So, these didn't turn out as well as i had hoped, but there you go!!
BRUCE CAMPBELL, BABY!!!!

Unfortunatley when trying to zoom in on him, the phote becomes really pixilated. Those disposable cameras just don't do him justice. Boo.

But there he is, in all his splendor.

What a hunk!!!

FINALLY!!!!

I've found the perfect pet!!!

His name will be Merle. He will never leave my shoulder (especially when i wear my beer hat.....)!!!



I am now.....

Complete.

and you all know how long i've wanted a squirrel!!!

Only like - FOREVER.

i bet we'll get free beer at the bars, at festivals, heck, i bet ANYWHERE!!!!

mmmm......beer..........

Apparently, this programmer hates his job

While frustratedly sitting in front of my non-cable tv, i grew weary of watching the crappy reruns of a below mentioned show for an hour straight.

i decided to do something about it. i thought the television channel would be appreciative of my suggestions and so i wrote an email:

Dear UPN 20-
While i greatly enjoy all of your programming, i would like to make a suggestion.
I really started getting into Star Trek Voyager right when you were taking it off the air a few years ago. Are you going to be replaying this series anytime soon? I would really like to see this program back on. i think it would fit nicely in the HOUR that Home Improvement airs. i really think everyone is Home Improvemented out - especially since there aren't too many families that sit down to watch it at 10:30-11:30 at night. Please Please Please put Star Trek back on so i can see all the shows i've missed!!!
Home Improvement vs. Star Trek Voyager (what i saw of it)
Tim builds a crappy go-cart out of washing machine - which he blows up in the basement
vs.
Sexy Tom Paris builds the Delta Flyer - A SPACE SHIP THAT SAVES THEIR LIVES!!!!

The weird neighbor Wilson always has something "clever" to say - but he's too imbarrased to show his face to anyone
vs.
That weird ALIEN cook Neelix ALWAYS says clever things, and isn't afraid to share them with the entire Delta Quadrant
Episode plots:
Jill wants to become a psychologist and explores the difficulty of being taken seriously by her family
vs.
a holographic doctor wants to become REAL and deals with the PAIN in realizing he will never be a human being!

Heartthrobs=
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
vs.
Seven of Nine
Need i say more?

Thank you for your ear, and your time! :)
Sincerely,
Cassie D********


I eagerly awaited a response that paralleled my humourous yet informative suggestions, and this is what i got back:

Voyager is no longer available in broadcast syndication. It has been sold to cable to my knowledge and is exclusive to cable at this time. We owned this contract through 9/04 and had exhausted all available runs months before our contract expired. As you recall we stripped it on a M-F basis for well over 5 years and had to end it runs early than we would have liked due to contractual obligations.

We will certainly take a look at this show, if and when it is ever offered in broadcast syndication. At this point, your suggestion is simply not possible.

On another note, Home Improvement is one of our highest rated programs in late night.

Thanks


Clearly, he did not forward my crazy antics onto his co-workers and laughing about it at the coffee machine - like i thought.
I thought that instead of just asking a simple question like - are you going to play this show again - i would make is humorous and light hearted. i wanted the individual to smile while reading my suggestion, forward it on as a joke, and quite possibly ponder the idea i so effectively debated. I thought, while chances were slim, i would at least get a witty and appreciative response.
It looks like the guy answering the programming email just churns them out. No personality and no flare (definatley not 15 peices....) involved!!!

I say BOO to UPN channel 20's email guy!!!! BOO on your SOUL!!!!

p.s.
Home Improvement SUCKS MY AZZ!!!!!!!!

My Dart is sucking my will to live!!!

New Developments!!!

Not only is my carburator acting up again, i now have a brake problem!! Hopefully, Kurt will be able to bleed my brakes and everything will go back to normal.

Also:
If anyone knows where to accquire hard to find auto parts for classic automobiles, feel free to send me a phone number, website or drivers side door trim for a 1966 Dodge Dart.



PLEASE!!!

oh...and some nice bench seat covers....
The ones you can get at the auto parts stores suck my butt.....

Les yeux ton pere!

i don't know why, but i have been thinking about this scene from French Kiss for 2 WEEKS!!!



Kate: So, who is this guy?
Luc: Bob.
Kate: Bub?
Luc: No, no, Bob. You know, like, uh, Bob Dylan?
Kate: Oh, Bob!
Luc: Oui, Bahb







Well, if you haven't seen this movie, you have to say Bob Dylan really nasally, like a frenchman. Try it!
"Bub Dee-Lahn"

Sushi makes my tummy smile....

I just got back from lunch!
Oh how delectable sushi for lunch really is!

I had a spider roll, a shredder roll, and some unagi. Yum Yum Yum.

So my questions for you:
Why doesn't everyone love sushi?

Here are the top ten WORST reasons i've heard that people don't like sushi:





10. they make it with their hands

Whatev. You use the 7-11 bathroom, and think that a 5 second wash in the sink is gonna clean those germs up?

9. i don't like fish/i'm a vegatarian.

C'mon. There are meatless and fishless sushi and rolls out there. AND THEY RAWK!

8. i can't use chop sticks

What? How old are you? Pick it up with your fingers, dork!!

7. sushi doesn't fill me up, and i want a REAL meal!!!

Ummm....did you SEE how tight my pants have gotten over the years? I attest that to sushi.
......(okay, and beer).
Actually, sushi is a really healthy alternative food. You wonder why all japanese people are as thin as bamboo!! haha!!!

6. sushi is too expensive.

Well, yes - everyday. But there are a lot of places out there that have sushi happy hours that have $1 rolls!! Sign me UP!!!!

10. i only eat american

you suck and are boring and i'm glad i don't hang out with you on a regular basis.

4. Sushi is for yuppies.

die yuppie scum? i mean, isn't it about time we found out what all the hub bub was about in the 80's? i mean, we sure dress better, and listen to better music. but seriously - if i eat sushi i'm a yuppie? Because it tastes GOOD? so if you go to Krispy Kreme, are you considered a yuppie, also? NO!! Just a FAT AMERICAN!!!

3. wasabi and ginger? WTF is that? why would i put that green stuff on my food voluntarily?

Grow up, guacamole lovers! So it's okay if it comes from Mexico and you can put it on your fast food hamburger? You can put wasabi on there too. and it has a helluva lot more kick than anything they have south of the border.....

2. I don't like sea weed.

Boo. don't eat it.

1. Ewww!!! Gross!!! Raw Fish!!! I just couldn't eat it!

the #1 reason.
Give me a break. not everything at your local sushi bar is raw. it's okay to eat a properly cooked raw steak? HELLO? You can get cooked sushi, or eat the rolls which have small pieces of fish in them - so you don't even notice. Or order the unagi (eel - and i don't want to hear ANYTHING on that one from you calamari lovers) which is cooked and is more tender than a portabello mushroom.

Bottom line. Try it with a true sushi lover. they will guide you to a wonderful experience that i GUARANTEE will leave you swimming in "sushi bliss". And if you don't like it, don't deny your friends the opportunity to go eat it. ALL sushi bars have teryaki chicken, shrimp, tempura and beef dishes, just like your local CHINESE FOOD $1 A SCOOP restaurants, but better.


Speaking of fun sushi stuff, check out these cute USB files:




Makes me hungry all over again!!!!

A What?

You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out,
even though you've been known to be a bit
boring at times. You manage to serve your
purpose in life while expending hardly any
effort (and are probably stoned to the gills
all the while).


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think i played with this toy once, and threw it away......

Whatever I feel like I wanna do, GOSH!!!!

You are Pedro Sanchez and love holy chips.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
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