Friday, September 30, 2005

Please Scroll Down

It's Quiz day! Hooray!!!! but i don't know why the post are so wide. Because of the pictures?

who knew?

If i was a serial killer i would be Charles Manson.

Charles Manson... the only serial killer that faces life in prison, yet never actually killed anyone.

Manson believed that by starting a cult, and manipulating his followers with drugs and mental suggestion he would get them to think he was the next messiah, and force them into doing anything he said, he was right.

One night in the Hollywood hills, Manson set out his minions to attack the home of the head of a record label that rejected his work years back. That night they murdered 5 people one of which was Sharon Tate who was also eight months pregnant at the time. Shooting and stabbing their victims repeatedly and smearing the words "Die Pig Die", and "Helter Skelter" over the walls.

Manson thought that by doing these killings that it would start a race war between blacks and whites. He also believed that the Beatles wrote many of their songs for and about him.

kill count: 5

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!

It's just a jump to the left....

Which Rocky Horror Picture Show character are you?


A Domestic

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I was hoping for Catwoman....

Which Tim Burton character are you?

Lydia Deitz

You're such a dark, angsty teenager.

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Embarrassing Moment #3547

So I had a meeting yesterday with a residential client reviewing a landscape design I have been working on for the last couple of weeks. This will be the second revision, and hopefully the last. Previously I had dealt with the wife only and her general contractor occasionally. At this meeting, her husband was to be in attendance, and as I had heard through the grapevine – he was a demanding customer.

It was a cold morning with an on and off drizzle. Fall is coming, but of course in Colorado – Fall lasts for 2 weeks and then skips on into Winter. As I pull up to the job trailer, I realize that no one is even there, after insisting an 8 am meeting! I was in a huff! But as soon as I worked myself up, the husband and wife arrived, and my face returned to it’s natural shade. I was like one of those puffer fish – except no prickles, cause I’m so sweet. Aaaahhh…..

Hemingway, I go into my shtick and explain to them what was in their design. The husband kept asking non pertinent questions, but I maneuvered around them flawlessly. He even once stopped the conversation completely to have some silent eye combat with his wife. I had no idea what the problem was, but I hate being in the middle of a couple when they are giving each other the stink eye. I would just rather them ask me if I would make like a tree and get outta there for a bit. None of that dagger eyes crap!!! After a couple of those awkward moments, the husband wanted to walk the property and get my opinion on some things.

I felt good. I felt like the husband liked my design, had confidence in me, and wanted to get my ‘professional’ opinion on the construction of his house! I beamed! We walked all around his house in muddy, wet conditions – for it had started drizzling steadily. I was a trooper! I seriously was excited to see where this meeting was going. I had thought at first that I was just going to design, but after selling my companies ability to install, I thought I had him in the bag. He even invited me into the house to show me what the interior would be like. We were getting along like peas and carrots.

And then he abruptly left. I don’t know what it was, but suddenly he needed to be OUT of my company it seemed. I was puzzled, disappointed, and thought it was just a little rude. Here I was walking through the mud in my dress shoes getting my hair frizzed to oblivion, and this guy just leaves? I smoothed my jacket down in fuming injustice.

And then I noticed my zipper was down.

I was walking around the WHOLE time with my friggin’ zipper down. Now I know why he and his wife were making eye daggers! I bet she wanted to tell me and he said not to worry about it! I was crawling in the mud and I’m sure he noticed my inability to zip up my pants. I’m sure he couldn’t take it anymore and he finally just had to bolt! He was probably staring at my blue and yellow purley visible undies from inside my jeans THE WHOLE TIME!!!! Yuck!!!

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the WHOLE time – but pretty damn close.

Let’s just say, ‘smooth move ex-lax!’

How'd they Know?

You will go to jail for:
You claimed sex toys as a business expense on your tax forms

Take this quiz at

Name Generator

I got this from Amber.....

Cassie Elizabeth Doolittle's Aliases

Your movie star name: Cheetos Torrance

Your fashion designer name is Cassie Rennes

Your socialite name is Cheese NYC

Your fly girl / guy name is C Doo

Your detective name is Liger Park Hill

Your barfly name is Ding Dongs Vodka Tonic

Your soap opera name is Elizabeth Smith

Your rock star name is M&ms My Dart

Your star wars name is Caspep Doojos

Your punk rock band name is The Hungover Hanky

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Get Rich Now! Ask Me How!!!

No! Seriously!!!

So my sweetie works for a graphic design firm that makes t-shirts. they sell t-shirts all over the place, but mainly to Target. Over the weekend, we took a trip up there (to buy me a filing box so i could organize my bills - many of you know my phone got turned off last week due to bill neglagence) - and he showed me all their shirts and logos at the bottom of them! How cool is that! and they were all pretty lame, old cliches that would've been cool on a shirt 4 years ago. But apparently to high schoolers, they are awesome. Go into the mens section and take a look at all the logo shirts. Although it's pretty impressive that Target is finally getting these shirts, whereas before you had to buy them at your local head shop.
Hemingway, my crew and I (namely Ed, Paul, and Rhiannon) have been jotting down ideas for t-shirts for over a year. I found a website where we could make them and sell them - but we decided to be lazy. So i asked my sweetie what if his company (made up of a bunch of guys who wear flip flops to work) accepted ideas for shirts. He told me that the company would accept ideas, and then pay (something like $.10 per shirt or something - i can't remember) if they sold your logo.

But here's the catch. They only look for certain shirts at certain times.
For instance:
Now they are looking for t-shirt logos for girls between the ages of 7-21. Here is an example:

I Invented Cute.

That is so lame.

We could do SOOOOOOO much better!!!!

I mean, they have shirts that say, "Don't talk to me, you're stupid"
When they SHOULD put out a t-shirt of Ralphie from A Christmas Story in line for Santa saying, "Don't talk to me, I'm thinking" - when that kid tries to talk to him about the Wizard of Oz!!!

C'mon People!!!
So i have decided to periodically ask for help for t-shirt ideas! If we sell and idea, and someone like Target buys 10,000 shirts, think of the nice vacation we could all have together!!!!

SO: Girls T-Shirts ages 7-21.
Any ideas?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Whoa. I know Kung Fu.

That is the epitome of just how bad an actor Keanu Reeves is. That line from the Matrix is repeated every time i see him open his mouth to talk.

There is only 1 good movie in which he is in (as Denny so graciously pointed out):

I just really like that photo.

And by the way, if there are any Napoleon lovers out there, check out this SWEET POST Denny just made on his blog.

Will Farrell is quite possibly the worst actor in the entire WORLD

Except in Elf. That was a cute movie.

As i have no time to write a good post, i will leave you with that comment to allow you all to agree or disagree with me on the above mentioned point. Everything he is in, he ruins. As if sopmoric comedy couldn't get any worse, he had to come along. He literally can suck my butt.

Courtesy of A-Ron - he found a website that might be able to help me with my abhorrance of evert knowing Will Farrell existed.

Don't bring it up if you get a card in the mail. i won't know what you're talking about. Who knows. This post might not even exist in a few weeks......

Monday, September 26, 2005

Wet Hot American Masterpiece

title by: Planetdan

But he was certainly right.
Wet Hot American Summer is awesome. I won't do a movie review on it, because if i say it's awesome, then by jingle - RENT THIS FILM.

My friend Kaila kept trying to get me to watch it and i kept putting it off and off. i thought it would be some dumb Anchorman movie or something, even though it had Janeane Garaffalo and Paul Rudd in it. But lo and behold, when i finally did rent this movie out of sheer boredom, i was so pleasantly suprised, i sat in stupified realization that this is one of the greatest comedic satires ever made.

Yes, this movie is dumb. Yes, this movie is absurd. Yes, this movie pure genius.

This is a cult classic, my friends. Meatballs, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!!!

Some people won't understand it's subtle humor that is not apparent on the surface. The humor in that this movie was a total joke to make, and it only took like a week to film. If you don't like this movie, fine. You obviously enjoy the "finer" things in life. Just don't coutner this post with some comment like, "It's no Dumb and Dumber," or ,"Did you ever see that movie, Old School? Now that was funny!" or pretty much anything with Will Farrell or Jim Carrey (before The Truman Show).

So if you're feeling like getting in a night of good laughs, rent this movie. Don't wait for it to repeat on Comedy Central - RENT IT TONIGHT. You will laugh your ass off, and be glad you did.

And if you're up for a companion movie to enhance your satiric comedy evening, then by all means rent Psycho Beach Party as well! Notice Claire from Six Feet Under is our main character!

Friday, September 23, 2005

The Hessian Strikes Again

So I went to the dentist yesterday. I had to get 2 fillings - which was not a shock seeing as how I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years. But still, it was my first. Cavity. Ever. It wasn't too bad. The cavities weren't deep enough to require novacane, so I didn't have to endure any anticipated pain or numb jaw. I actually got out of the appointment at a decent time, and thought I should return to work, since I had so much stuff to do. I thought i'd stop by my house (which was only a few blocks away) to grab some lunch.
Good thing I did. My bank had been trying to get a hold of me all day to tell me that the HESSIAN who stole my purse had been writing bad checks all over town. MOST of them at Wild Oats of all places!!!
She's a damn HEALTHY thief!
She must've racked up over $300 there in 1 day! What was worse, the wallet she stole luckily (so I thought) didn't have my ID in it, but an expired ID from when I turned 21. I didn't think much about it other than it was a bummer I didn't have that ID to remind me of what a goofy haircut I had back then (the bangs and all....). CO has issued new IDs a few years back, so it was the last of it's kind. It had frayed edges (which makes it easy to pull up the laminate and change the info - which is why CO FINALLY changed the ID to match the rest of the countries'...). BUT - apart from that - it had a hole punch in the middle of it, showing that it was no longer valid. Thought all the bases were covered, right?
Apparently at Wild Oats, they really don't care about such frivolous thing.
Even if she took up the laminate, put a picture of herself in there, changed the expiration date, and re-laminated it - there would still be a giant hole punch in the middle of it!!! One of the forged checks (my bank gave me photo copies) even had the cashier write "DL temp" at the top - stating it wasn't valid but she accepted it!!!

I mean


What kind of people would accept a check like that? And who knows if the dates even jived! Did the thief even look 27? if she was using my picture, did she look 17? cause that's how old I looked when I took that photo on my 21st birthday!


On top of everything else, when I got to my bank I was about ready to explode. I asked them if no one used Telecheck anymore. It's been a few years since I worked retail, but I had my fair share of stolen checks and shady people come my way. How were these checks even clearing if I immediately closed my bank account when I realized what happened?
So the HESSIAN would actually scratch off part of the account number at the bottom of the check so the Telecheck type system wouldn't detect it. Why would it accept a check if the account number at the bottom was scratched off? What the fuck kind of anti-theft device is that? what kind of protection do these businesses really want? Are those machines just there as a front to make check thieves scared? To make the soccer mom feel secure? To make idiots like me believe I can't feel violated again and again after taking the correct steps to avoid it?

So I signed an affidavit and made a police report so when these businesses call me to collect their money from the bad checks, I have to make photo copies of all my documents and mail them to them. How great for me. I then have to call the 3 credit companies and inform them of identity theft.

Guess I won't be shopping at Wild Oats for a while. and speaking of which, I think I might go down there and bitch to the manager for letting his cashiers be so stupid. Who knows if he will listen. But HE will be out the The $300, not I.
I will have bad credit.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Best. Museum. Ever.

Fine. All the negative feedback from possibly one of my greatest ideas ever - i will change the subject from WWGD.

But not too much.

When in Seattle we all went to the Science Fiction Museum.
It was damn cool!
It was especially cool if you're even the tiniest bit in to SciFi at all. I mean, there was memorabilia in there from every SciFi show, book, movie, and toy!!! it was AWESOME!!!! I think my favorite parts were the captain's chair from Star Trek, the stillsuit used in Dune and all the robots. I really want to check out their website for their book list so i can start beefing up on my suprisingly limited knowlege of SciFi.

Equally as awesome was the (blue) building it was in. It was connected to the Experience Music Project (bronze) which we didn't have time to see, and the monorail station. I thought it was pretty cool that the monorail was built in the 60's but never caught on. I wonder what the hold up was. Can you imagine a city with a monorail for it's main mode of transportation? Cooler than the subway, cooler than the L train, the MONORAIL just makes me want to sing that song in the Simpsons!

Oh. and we also watched some pidgeons poop from atop a rafter dangerously close to unsuspecting tourists. Can't forget that!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


So if you've ever seen that movie,Trekkies , you will remember Gabriel Koerner. He was the kid whose dad drove the Star Trek shuttle, and was overly concerned about the tailoring of his Star Trek uniform.

I have often wondered what Gabriel has been doing since that time. I would often think about him at odd points in my life, not necessarily thinking about Star Trek. Just questions like, "What's Gabriel up to?"

I was pleasantly suprised to see him in Trekkies 2 - as were all of us - for an update as to what this quirky kid at 15 was now doing at age 23. Well, i won't ruin it for you; you'll have to see the movie!

But as I sat contemplating on how to break it to my foreman, that while the shrub bed i designed was installed beautifully and correctly, it was on the wrong side of the house - i thought, "What would Gabriel do?"

And there you have it.

I think i will make it into a t-shirt.

The Baja is no more

Well, i got my new phone.

As many of you know, my Subaru Baja phone was stolen from me 2 weeks ago. i was INNOCENTLY sitting outside on my stoop and completely FORGOT to grab my purse when i went inside, and some horrible HESSIAN that look much like this:
Chose to steal my purse before i could come back outside to claim it.

Inside of my bag were of course my keys, wallet, my subaru baja , my make-up, my brush, and my brain (schedule book). So after a brief freak out, I was able to come back to work and get a replacement phone. Luckily for me, the i58 is no longer in service (because it sucks my azz) and so they had to do an "upgrade" - which initially was like only $25 more than the other phones. Of course NOW it's the same price. So this new phone is still big and klunky, but at least it isn't yellow (to find in the mud) and have a ridiculous battery pack on the back, making it almost impossible to fit inside a compact purse.

There is text messaging, color and a picture and EVERYTHING!!!! Yes. I do not hate my new phone as much as i did the last phone. in fact, i think it's rather cute. and i can still drop it all over the place, cause it has exterior rubber that makes it bounce!! haha!!!!

Avast ye scurvey chumbuckets!!!

Okay. i'm a little late. i happened to remember WHILE SLOSHIN' A GROG OF YER MOTHERS TEET!!!
But did everyone remember their eye patches?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Bon Voyage!!! Quiz Time!!!!

Hello Friends! i am off to Seattle for the Dead Can Dance concert tomorrow! While there, i plan on visiting every tourist trap, including the famed Archie McPhee's!!! Wi-Hoo!!!

If you don't know how cool Archie McPhee's actually is, I will explain it in a way most of you know is my forte!

A Quiz!!!

After taking this quiz, please feel free to browse the website, and become jealous that I, yes I! will be consuming mass quantities of goodies at this store. Bye Bye paycheck!
Luckily, you can find most of these treasures at your local gift shop, but this is a SUPERSTORE people!!!
Wish me Luck!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Jackie Chan Obessed

Someone is really in love with Jackie Chan. They see him all over the place!!!
Granted, he is pretty cute, but this just seems a little scary.......

Ode To A-RON

In honor of Aaron putting up the moving kitty with the machine gun post, i have decided to openly express my appreciation on the internet, by taking time to post a picture of him diligently working on my blog. I openly admit that without his hours and hours of help, i could not blog where i am blogging today.

Thanks, Friend.

Monday, September 12, 2005

I'm gonna make it after all.....

So this weekend was my friend Mia's annual Mary Tyler Moore party. Every year when her hubby goes out of town on his family fishing trip, she has her all girl party (except Paul Suazo) . It's pretty fun every year. i have been fortunate to attend for the last 4, in which it keeps getting bigger, every time i go!!! So i started thinking about Mary Tyler Moore and her womanly independence in the not so distant past. They even have a statue of her in Minneapolis, you know. I started thinking about all the other ladies of the sixties that i really liked. Hotties that were pretty independent themselves. i decided to make a list of some fun ones that i remembered. i'm sure i've left out a ton, so feel free to add some to the list. if you want to email me some pictures, i'd be happy to put them up as well.

Julie Newmar (as Catwoman)

Natalie Wood (one of my personal favorites)

Aretha Franklin (nuff said)

Jane Fonda as Barbarella (I saw this movie when i was really little on the Superstation and comprehended NONE of the sexual innuendos, but thought it was the coolest movie in the whole world. and that killer doll scene gave me nightmares. i had to secretly sleep with my lights on - so my mom wouldn't think i had been watching bad television)

Diana Rigg as Emma Peel (the original badass secret agent in leather)

Nichelle Nichols as Lieutennant Uhura (seriously - did you think i was going to forget her?)

Julie Andrews (cause i loved her as Millie, Maria, Mary, and the Queen of Genovia)

Goldie Hawn (cause i used to think Laugh In on Nickelodeon was the funniest show since The Monkees)

And of course Audrey Hepburn, cause she's just gorgeous. Especially as Eliza Doolittle.

Some honorable mentions (but this blog has way too many pictures already) are Sophia Loren, Ann Margaret and Ms. Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies (there was a funny Simpson's episode where instead of David Cassady posters, Patty had a Ms. Hathaway poster above her bed!!). So if there are any other ladies and pictures you think should be posted on this entry, feel free to let me know!!!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Friends with too much time on their hands.....and boots!

So I had a fun weekend with my crew. They came down for the holiday weekend and we farted around the whole time. We went dancing, watched and entire season of Star Trek The Next Generation and went out to brunch every day. Hoorah! i have decided that i need to get some sort of inflatable mattress so they will be more comfortable.

But as we were hanging out - in the company of our urban family - a disturbing conversation came up. Apparently either Leslie or Rhiannon found a pair of Barbie boots while over at Ed's house. Because they had nothing else to do, Rhiannon (for lack of an actual Barbie) began to 'wear' the boots. So of course, everyone had to pitch in. Rhiannon was the model, Leslie the camera(phone)man, and Ed the creative director.

I'm not sure what to think about it quite yet, but they are certainly funny. A little creepy, but funny!!!

can you tell which one was Ed's creative genius? haha!!!

It looks as anatomical as a Ken doll!!!

and what are they doing to that poor monkey!?

Gilligan vs. Maynard

CAPTAIN: Gilligan!

GILLIGAN: Over here, skipper.

CAPTAIN: A million things to do around the hut. Gilligan, what are you doing?

GILLIGAN: I'm building a bathtub.

CAPTAIN: You're building a bathtub?

GILLIGAN: It's not finished yet.

CAPTAIN: Thanks a lot for telling me.

GILLIGAN: After I finish I've got some sticky stuff to spread around so it won't leak.

CAPTAIN: You'll pardon my saying so, Gilligan, but isn't this a little big for a bathtub?

GILLIGAN: Not for me, I like a lot of boats in my tub.

As for me, i always liked him as Maynard G. Krebs in Dobie Gillis. I thought, "WOW. So THAT'S what beatniks were like!!!"

And i could never figure out why he was always so dirty!! Were beatniks dirty? i don't ever remember thinking that Sal Paradise (Jack Kerouac) was dirty, but i sure thought Dean Moriarty (Jack Cassady) was.....

Probably because he was from Denver....

Friday, September 02, 2005

For those of you who missed it the first time around...

I forwarded this site to a bunch of you last year, but i thought since it was so funny - i had to add it to my blog!!!

The Weight Watchers Cards Circa 1974 is now back in rotation! Take this funny tour of pictures and comments and thank your lucky stars most of us didn't start eating solid food until AFTER these cards went into your parents basement!!!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

What I did at school today....

well, i'll tell ya. i don't miss school but i sure do miss ham and cheese roll ups. those things rawked. how did those lunch ladies do it?

Speaking of lunch ladies - they all loved me. they used to set aside special food for when i came through the line. they were so sweet!!!

i also like spaghetti day. man, that spaghetti was g-o-o-d.

So here's what i did at work:

I have to make a smaller one - well actually 6 smaller ones by tomorrow. Wi-hoo for me!!! Hooray!!
Gotta get drawin'!!!

Report: Little Debbies Increase to $10

Can you read me now?

If you missed the first reference, please read!!!

Tiffany & Co.

All right men.
Listen Up.

I don't care if your sweetie isn't really into jewery. I don't care if she prefers costume rubies to real rubies. I don't care if she goes crazy in the Target jewelry section, and never once looks into the case at the real stuff (guilty).

If you want to impress your lady, you will, for once in her lifetime - buy her something from Tiffany's.

That little turquoise box, that little white bow. You will live in her heart forever - and you will be AMAZED at the reprocussions of such a gift.

Did you know that you can get items as low as $50 at Tiffany's? Did you know you can get them to engrave anything you want? Did you know that it's not just the item of purchase, but the fact that it was BOUGHT at Tiffany's that will throw any woman into arms, as well as your lap?

Think about it, ladies. To open up that little turquoise box, and see the little silver (or gold - if you're into that kind of thing) present with your initials on them. Did you even want something like that? You didn't before, but now that it's been given - you realize you've always wanted it!!! and what does that say about your beau? He's thoughtful, loving, and sensitive that giving you the same thing from Wal-Mart and saving a some money (for an XBox) isn't the SAME THING. A pendant, a key chain, a necklace, a pair of simple hoops.


You don't have to go bankrupt to buy perfection.

and trust me guys, you buy her something like that, and she'll let you go out with the guys for longer than 11pm. Heck, she might even tell you stay in for 'special time' and THEN you'll be thanking me!!!

Personally, i prefer the simple link bracelet. You can get a myriad of pendants (different shapes) that can either say Tiffany & Co. or your initials. I am much more of a costume jewelry lady, but the man who gives me something from Tiffany's will be the man who maybe has my heart!!!

Haha!! just kidding!!! I just really like that bracelet. I like a toggle clasp, but the regular one is cheaper. What do you think? Maybe I could try and get a job there, so i can have the employee discount for a day or something.....

Otherwise, Target has a lot of great jewelry that is reasonably priced. I get most of my stuff from there for under $10. If you shop at Target, check out their selection! They also have a nice assortment of men's watches.

Okay. My advertisement is over. I was just thinking about a buying a new watch at lunch.

Report: Boxed Sets turns viewer into Hermit Crab Zombie

Okay. I can't seem to get enough of the HBO miniseries - Six Feet Under.

I have rented the first 3 seasons and have been watching them non-stop. I'm addicted. I just got through season 3 - and season 4 hasn't even come out on DVD yet!!! What am I going to do? I have to know what happens to Nate!!! His wife's body was just found, and he showed up beaten to a pulp at Brenda's door!!!
Claire just had an abortion and hasn't told ANYONE about it, except Brenda!!! What happened to geeky confused Russell??
Where will Keith and David's relationship go? Anywhere? Is Keith going to resolve his anger problems, and is David going to take him back?
Not to mention Ruth! She just got married to some guy she's known for 7 weeks!!! To the guy in BABE!!! Is it even going to work?
And what about Rico? He just cheated on his wife who is clinically depressed!!! What's he going to do?

GOSH!!! I can't wait for next season to come out. This show is sucking my brain straight into it! A ZOMBIE I tell you!!! I have watched them straight through for the last few weeks. I've been addicted. Staying up too late, not getting any work done on the weekends, avoiding going out or over to anyone's house - OBSESSED.
I'm kinda glad I have to wait for season 4. Now I won't be such a hermit crab anymore.
also, I won't have nightmares about dying.

I had this nightmare that I died in a car crash, but I didn't know I was dead. So I went over to kurt's house, and he had to run a 'test' on me (with his timing light) to determine my vitality (no checking my pulse!). So of course he had to break it to me. Then I proceeded to call all of my friends and family to inform them that I had died and I wasn't coming back. PLUS I had a giant hole in my head from the accident that kept oozing brain and blood.
basically I looked like one of the deceased from Six Feet Under that they ususally talk to while embalming them. I still had my wounds, but instead of David, Nate or Rico imagining me, everyone could see me. I was hiding my hole with my hair. It worked a little. For some reason I couldn't get to my funeral - which meant I couldn't rest but might have to walk the earth rotting (I actually think that was a twilight zone episode....). It was pretty scary and sad. I woke up crying.

I decided that Six Feet Under should not be watched all at once. There was a reason why it was on once a week.
Nightmares about death.