Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Report: Memorial Day turns people into Self-Absorbed FREAKS!!


All i can say is WOW.

What a fucked up weekend.

Now i know that Memorial Day is sort of the "Kick Off of Summer" but give me a break! Does that mean that everyone and their back woods mother has to be out galavanting in the FRONT of the line?

When i say "Self-Absorbed" what i mean is i couldn't even COUNT with my fingers and toes how many times i thought out loud for people, "I'm the center of the universe!" i guess having a 3-day weekend will do it to you! So people were driving like shit, pushing and shoving in retail centers, and i don't even want to TELL you what it was like trying to get something to eat. BOO!!!!

I went up to the mountains with my parents. So were are driving through Rocky Mountain National Park, and there are signs and an AM radio station that consistently say, "Stay on the designated paths - do not walk on Arctic Tundra".
So what does that mean to you?
Well, i would personally interperate that as "Don't walk around off the friggin' path, dorks!" because apparently it takes this "arctic tundra" 30-50 years to regrow from one footprint.

So what do i see as i get out to take breathtakingly beautiful photos of God's beautiful creation? Some punk ass kids running all OVER the arctic mountainside chasing after a friggin' marmant!!!! WTF????????
And their parents were just as bad, walking OFF the stabilized crushed granite (and very EXPENSIVE) path created specifically so you wouldn't DEVIATE from it, taking pictures and climbing on rocks themselves - crushing 50 years in the making - wild flowers!!! THEY WERE EVEN PICKING THEM!!! These things are no more than an inch tall! LET THEM ALONE!!!!! All they were saying to their kids: "Hey guys. that's enough. don't chase the marmant all over." in the most monotonous voice you can possibly imagine!!!
Well SHAME upon you and your house! And i hope when giant aliens come down to earth they step on YOUR 50 year old carcass! Fuckers!!!

At least no one brought up their double wide yuppie "i don't ever want to have to touch my baby" stroller. i HATE those things! if ever there were a more inconsiderate baby contraption, this is it. Like no one else in the world needs to walk on the friggin' sidewalk, or down a store isle. Warning: If someone has this stroller with the giant wheels made especially to go offroad easier, they will, i repeat, they will NOT get off the sidewalk. YOU need to move!!


Careful. if you browse that website, you might also see the "Mountain Buggy Terrain Triplets" and the one where you can even attach a fuckin' CRADLE onto the buggy!!!

Well, not saying much for the place, but i was walking in Boulder this weekend with a couple people who just ran the Bolder Boulder (http://www.bolderboulder.com/) and this dude pushing a double mountain buggy thing wouldn't roll onto the grass. We BARELY got by single file....good thing these people can breed other self-absorbed yuppies....

Friday, May 20, 2005

Anakin Skywalker is Hawt!!!!

Wow. i just saw Star Wars III and DAMN!!! Hayden Christensen is a hawttie!!!!

i mean, even as Darth Vadar he is a DAMN Hawttie!!!


Go see this movie, if not for an oldie but a goodie hawttie, Ewan McGregor, but the new developments made by George Lucas when he decided that Hayden Christensen needed to work out at the gym more often.
Good call, George!

Monday, May 09, 2005

My thumb really hurts!

So i took a stupid pill last night and thought it would be a good idea to go to the Lion's Lair with some rollergirls - seeing as how well drinks were $1! Bad Bad Bad idea. i have been off the wagon (or is it on the wagon - Seinfeld confused me http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-112/epid-2269/) for a while, and after last night i realize i can't swim with the big fishes anymore. i got completely trashed after 4 drinks.


Apparently i did a dance to ABBA (on a small wooden box they called a "stage") and got a free shot, which somehow resembled an entire cocktail.


Needless to say, i was getting dropped off by Jayne Manslaughter when lo and behold! I slammed my thumb in her 1988 Volvo door! I didn't even realize it until i tried to walk away, and i couldn't. i re-opened the door, said ouch, and walked into my building with a bleeding thumb.

You can't have a good night of drinking without a little blood present, ya know?

28 people. i'm going to be 28 this year.

Friday, May 06, 2005

i heart Johnny Depp

You Are Gilbert From "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"

You are very giving and self-sacrificing. You're always there to lend a helping hand to family and friends. However, this generous nature often robs you of fulfilling your needs and desires, and may cause you to become resentful. Find a way to balance your kindness with your independence.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Oh ye of little faith.....

For all of you non-believers out there, i have already been receiving thank you emails from my new flock. I know you might still be skeptical, but read some testimonials!

Thank You Thank You Thank You Reverend Mother!

I felt your spirit with me today!

I knew that you had blessed my bat because when i gripped it i felt comfort, and it was good. when i swang it i felt confidence, and i knew it was good. when i hit the ball i felt powerful, and all knew it was good.

with your blessing, reverend mother, i was able to acheive 3 home runs and 1 triple today. with your spirit guiding my hand i was able to drive in 9 runs. i felt your pat on the back when the team voted me MVP of the game. i knew you were with me, and i knew it was good.

i shall build a shrine to your holy spirit. i shall erect a fine pedastal on top of which i shall place a statue of a woman with big boobs. i will always keep a candle lit in vigil. i trust that my efforts will appease your holy spirit and you shall then lay your blessing on me.

Thank you Reverend Mother. i am truly grateful.


Yes Yes.... i will keep you posted with more sucess stories as they begin to roll in!